the last time i had sex was in my thirties
in fort lauderdale on a rugby junket
things seem to happen when i am out of town
the pressure is off
i can concentrate my energies and marshall my charm and leave the next day with promises and tears and wonderfullness is again reigning in the land
something in my makeup requires that a woman be some kind of impossible for me to be interested in her
something has to be wrong
with me
with her
with the timing
with her being married
with her being a dude
with me not working
or shes a cousin
or engaged
or having cash or my smell
my lack of car, future
some impossible scenario where our love overcomes the obstacle
even if just for a night
the whole geographical thing works the best and i feel freer to be myself when i am out of town
i spit my best game in impossible situations
and to unattainable womenfolk
plus theres something about seeing a loser in his own habitat that makes the dork brother in law more appealing
hes got a job
he bathes
he goes to church
has a car
and the thing is i coulda gotten the booty sometime in the last few years if my senses of irony and justice were not so highly developed
justice in the sense that i have been darn close to those words of forever you speak when you find your hunny bunny
have spoken that idiotic babble
i have nauseated strangers with my bliss
ive been the perfect couple before
inseperable
saccharine
cute beyond words
i also tried to nurse another hottie through the loss of a parent and watched her sink into deep depression that no amount of hugs could dent
for a while i was an overage college student in a dorm
my access to booze and rugby physique made it an amusement park of poontang
and as a bartender i ran into a few distressed goddesses along the way
i have had my share
maybe more than my share
so this dry spell is no big deal
and i can sit back and wait for destiny to finish the story
while i catch up with the back stories here
and peck them out
before my brain turns to mush
like a real americans should
thats why i recommend ten hours of reality tv a day
its more real than you life
and they dont notice the cameras at all
nope
no one is playing to the brainwashed hordes
they FORGOT THE CAMERA WAS THERE
just like the strippers sometimes forget that the are performers sometimes
yeah it was right after you left
they locked the doors and we stayed all night
it was wild
for some reason we all had to sign a release
and after awhile we forgot there were cameras there