my knee went out as i was vacuuming the pool
felt like it used to back when i had no insurance
so id play rugby and it would seize up on me
the torn ligaments end would catch in the knee socket
then id have to stop for a mintue
and continue a bit less powerfully
so i have had years of experience
in the functioning with a fucked up knee world
i played rugby on it for a year and a half
so i helped my brother load his car for his trip west
up the stairs
down the stairs
airconditioner
weight set
then up the stairs, 3 flights at my shithole
tough love
punishing my weak joint
letting it know that slacking was not allowed

this morning my knee let me know that i was an asshole, kneewise
but pain is life
so this morning was quite lively
a price i gladly pay for being so cool

painting was out of the question
on my feet hobbling around
no way
yes, a day off
nice

my bike was downtown
i rode it to the bus station
the first leg of the trip home for the trip before the big trip
this was also to be some trip home
bike, you see, require you to bend your legs
one of mine was not cooperating
it would get near the top and stop
the angle of ninety brought tears
so i propelled the bike along like a scooter for a couple of SLOW blocks
and kick
and kick and kick

needed a new propulsion system so i started half pedaling with the injured limb
push the pedal to the bottom
back it up to the painful spot
push it another half turn

this was gettin me nowhere
so i sat way backon the seat and tried a full revolution
man did that hurt,

so i did ten in a row and got a block before i had to coast a bit
it reminded me ot the torture machine they hooked me to when i injured this in the first place
post surgery they put me in a thing to move my leg to speed healing
it was called a continous passive motion machine
i was strapped into it
it would bend my knee every minute or so
i ran out of painkillers in two days
it was set wrong
the angle too great, or acute
whatever, it hurt

so i figured out a way to lift my leg off the pedal before the top of the stroke
and put it back on the bottom
i started making some progress then

the only thing i can figure is
one of the screws came out
when i asked my body to heal itself that day

it noticed a cadaver ligament screwed into my left knee
and followed orders like my body always does
that, or knee surgeries onlu last fifteen years or so
then they wear out
and rugby and airconditioners have taken their toll on me
maybe im not a bull anymore
maybe im an ex bull
yet still full of bull
and canadian whiskey
and i cant dance yet but i soon will
i need to build callusses on my weak ass joint
tolerate pain
make demands on my body again
punish the weakness with more exercise
will myself to better walking
im too young to limp
im not that one legged seagull on the beach yet
i could learn to hop i guess
but thats my second option
rght now im icing my knee with frozen broccoli and taking anti inflammatories
see what tommorrow looks like
maybe i can paint on one leg
yeah
i wont focus on the pain when im doing something that sucks ass so badly
thats the plan
time to hop to bed