trying my hardest

supporting

positive

in the face of intolerable conditionns

the kind thomas paine wrote about

i explain my work conditions

she seems to think im a martyr

her love conditions

are an eerie parrallel

where she is the willing victim

to needy men

who arent as evolved as her



she SEEMS to take the side of the oppressed at every chance

i, the oppressor

with my thoughts

with my privelege

she is as full of shit and confused as i

unwilling to make the future move

self-described as olde

set in her ways

wants the comfort of a dude she understands

wants the easy way

who am i to challenge her?

who am i to assert my feelings?



the OLD feelings are the real ones

the establishment position



she was the radical



loving the loser alcoholic

WHO IS SO MUCH MORE

offers so much more

is her soul mateso how can i love one whose soul mate is a loser?

i dont know

i guess im just an amazing dude

without being patronizing

a dude who believes in love

in principle

trying to live with principles

like my word means something

like the words i say mean something



i would never tell a dude i was happy my girl

CHOSE SOMEONE LIKE HIM

im him

im the dude

as she lisens'in terror in the kitchen

he cedes his love interests

she listens

unshocked



low self esteem?

crisis avoidance?

how does she talk to a dude who gives her away

however that goes down

however wrong in principle to own another human

she lets it go



sheknows he's lying

thats his best skill

what she loves about him

he speaks to her of impossibilities

and shes enthralled

giving him yet another last chance

loving his pathetic, endearing nature

hoping against reason that he might be right just once

because his lies sound so sweet



so i guess i have to up my lie game

if thats her true love

ill try to be fantastically unreliable

and ill take classes in pathetic

if thats what gets her there

i want to please my woman

i want her to not want to live without me

but what can i do

hes got history

my post twin towers love styles

are just another complication to her
its easier to be loyal to the abuser

what can i offer?

peace?

possibility?

maybe his potential is sooo much more



hes the better pick

more upside



i hate the world right now

for making me love her

but i cant stop

im an addict

yeah

a love addict

i just want a little bit more

a teensy bit stronger dose

i just want her to champion me once

instead of trying to tell me that i am part of the crowd

no more human than any

not at all special

just another dude

is it any wonder that i love her

her complete lack of admiration for me?

her earnest hope that i find hapiness

after HER decision has been made

her and her mom figured it all out

i didnt need to give input

an afterthought

but my afterthought loving game is strong

i love her

after thought

after deep thought

and i cant be anything else than the loser i am right now

pining

wishing

hoping

half a fag

i wish she liked semi-homos like myself



but



im a better person for being exposed to her

someone is going to get a great boyfrined soon

i just wanted to give her the first crack

for all her hard work

reforming my mysogeny

amping up my love jones

thanks then

and goodbye

and fuck you for not believing in me

just for a little while

and seeing what wonders would occur