the fourth dui meant my brother was out of chances with the men in blue
humorless public servants
protecting the public from menace
so i helped him pack
for whereabouts unknown
a year in jail is what the judge said hed get
state prison time
so his choice was forcible sodomy or join the arayan nation or go on the run
and event the nice arayans may have a secret homo initiation
its not gay
its about power
yeah
thats what the homo nazis want you to think
its about sex
jail wooda killed my bro
hes even more sensitive than i am
i hear hes ditched his ride
one more layer of protection
but the next time he talks to a cop its over
i havent talked to a cop for ten years or so
so its doable
giving your car away is the first step
cops love property owners on wheels
they can hold your wheels hostage
talk about how its a privlege
not a right to drive
eff them
its a privlege to pay insurance too i guess
and registrations
and maintnance
oh yeah
petroleum
what a deal
it says right on the back of your license that you must notify the man within 30 days if you move
so the gestapo knows where you live
so they can send the sherrif to you spot
to serve that warrant on your ass
for being to cool for school
for living your life to wildly for their tastes
to avoid the tragedy of vehicular manslaughter
theyd rather lock you up for what you might do someday
like my ex girlfriend
who used to yell at me in advance
id go into the kitchen cabinet to get a glass
shed holler from the couch
dont leave that cabinet open
you know i hate that
so what do you think i did?
thats a little too efficient a level of policing of behavior for my tastes
so some body ran over someones kid and they started madd
and now
because of someones poor reflexes
drunks everywhere must pay for her pain
in north dakota and montana you can drive with a beer
its open country
and the trips are long
and they are all old cowboys
and if you flip your truck its your own dam fault and prolly a one vehicle accident anyway
so my brother basically stole my idea

i wanted to be the one on the run

living in peoples basements for a month or so at a time
until we got tired of each others company
and i moved on to the next basement
helping, like
painting, gardening, whatever
thares a harry in my basement
do you have a harry in your basement?
would you like one?
operators are standing by right now to book your month long harry infestation of your basement
he will do the hard jobs
five hours a day
five days a week
for room and board
more if you want to pay him some cash or buy a keg or if the job is interesting to him or if you are some kind of hottie temptress watching him pulling out stumps from your backyard in your daisy dukes and tube top
cooing at him
all
"you are sooo strong"
"want another beer?"
"my husband won't be home for hours, he doesnt understand me"
i suppose a bus ticket to your domicile is part of the package deal
ill work some extra hours for cash money so that i can keep playing cards
and its all gravy
its all good
do you have a harry in your basement?
why not?
afraid that your property value will go thru the roof?
afraid that your neighbors will be jealous and start a bidding war?
dont worry
harrys are notoriously loyal
and each member of the "international brotherhood of harrys in your basement" has undergone a rigourous screening procees
mentally and physical
not stone has been unturned
there are no nasty surprises waiting for you unless you walk into your basement without knocking
harrys are notoriously naked cave dwellers
these relics of a bygone era will serve to remind you of a simpler time while enhancing the rustic beauty of your home by walking around shirtless and belching
you create the cover story and the harry in your basement will flesh out your lies
breathing life into your dreams
amazingly affordable
attractively priced
why not be the first on your block to take advantage of these evolutionary deadends
one step removed from the sasquatch
housetrained
smart as a beaver
the harry in your basement makes the perfect christmas gift
send one to your nympho cousin today
youll be glad you did
she will start sending you the most tasteful christmas gifts and party invitations
her yard will sparkle
and her bush will get the attention it deserves