15 days without booze
deserted by my muse
pecking away seems futile when im sober
i keep picking up great books
people with style and craftsmanship
people who take words seriously
so why bother typing?

every now and then i have a thought
beating up on my imaginary dependence on alcohol seems fun
its pretty easy not to drink
there are pangs of thirst
but i see the conditioning better now
my body still responds to the drinking stimuli that bombard us all
recently in the comic section hagar the horrible was having a meeting of his explorers club
thats the line he sold helga, anyway
the punch line was the club was going to explore the contents of a bottle of twelve year old scotch
mmm....scotch
my body said
cartoonists want me to be a drunk again

homer simpson beats a different drum

about 4 or five every day i get a little thirsty
training
so i reach for a sweet snack to replace the sweet empty calories of alcohol
fool my body
calm it down
the bubbles in seltzer water are a good fake out when i "need" a beer
give my belly the liquid fullness that it is used to
not drinking is easy
all you need is a strong mind

its much harder not to work
thats the hardest habit to break
its hard to find something to do for money that doesnt seem like a complete waste of time
teaching in the inner city for instance
feeding drunks beers for tips
becoming the alcoholic's pusher man
feigning interest in a boozehounds story
because he tips well
he imagines you are his friend
you remember his name
his drink
you have polite conversation
and he leaves a little less lonely
you get a handful of change

being competitive and surrounded by the fumes
you become a raging alcoholic
driving home when others are on their way to work
after a night at the after hours club
partying with young members of the mafia
playing video poker
doing lines in the bathroom
sinatra on the jukebox
barry white
at the wawa your coffee is to get you home
the commuters are on their way in
you try to keep the car between the lines
a dui at 730 am would be very undignified
you almost nod off into a concrete median barrier
that wakes you up
shaky with adrenaline
you make it home undamaged
without a vehicular manslaughter charge
and chalk another one up in the tie column

you ponder your glamourous existense
you thank your lucky stars
you swear off the after hours scene for a bit
you start thinking about a job with less attractive distractions

i am horrified at the amount of planning that went into being a full time alcoholic
the decisions
what to drink
where to drink it
whens the liqour store close
what is the mixer?
how much will you have for the rest of the week
is half a bottle enough for the coma you long for?
will you be able to kill enough brain cells to sleep with x amount of spiced rum
will the lemonade give me an acid stomach
do i have antacid

now my mind is free of all that clutter
i can concentrate on such weighty considerations as
ummm
wow
a perfect zen brain
empty

well, my shithole is a lot cleaner anyways
my beer weight is slowly melting off
i almost feel like working out some days
i almost am bored enough to try to get a job
maybe ill stumble across something interesting
maybe ill do a situp or two
maybe pigs will fly
who knows what wonders the future may bring
what treasures
what horseshit
what torment