scribble from my black book
volume one

i bought the black book at ikea
it was hand made and fit in my pocket
i carried it to many a temporary waiter job
so if the dork on NPR is right

and thoughts are a miracle

i offer these miracles to the world
enjoy

insanity for dummies
insanity: a users guide
talking less
planing more
other people still problematic
i feel they know my thoughts
are judging me
they know i think that they are obese, obnoxious, subhuman and vile
they see my lip curl to close my nostrils from their offensive smell
so i give them A GOOD LOOK
to back them off
the look radiates hostility and the FACT that i will kick your ass

HOw to beat the pros
know when they have aces
bet big on the river with the nuts
get calls because you are WILD
"train" your table
form alliances
be likeable so they reach into their pocker for more$$$ when you bust them
set maxloss/stop loss figure
sit with 100 and play like its your last cash
play tight til you catch
sleep if you have to
observe the action
put people on hands
play no hands for the first hour or two except premium deluxe hands and bet those aggressively
establish tight image then switch it up
use their fear


the too young bartender was easy to amuse
unaware of the wiles and styles and pure conversation i have at my disposal
susceptible to my humor
job based humor where her shitty job tickles and triggers my years and years of "i have a shitty job" stories
the thrill of being a big city bartender
so i made another cutie laff
and went home alone as usual
as my exciting overtures either repulsed her or made her deaf
is it too much to hope for that she had a crush on one of her dads friends when he came over the house to watch sports?
that, clad in hot pants, she gladly fetched beers for daddy in and her dream man?
that she equated my huge belly with a vast resevior of sexiness?

i go to the track to stay in touch with my humanity
when life treats me too well
i go there and share my resources with strangers
i need to experience loss
every now and then
i tired of being such a winner
i go when i feel the need to be wrong again
after months and months of always being right


comedy act
the arch card? mcdonalds has a prepaid card
are you serious?
retarded credit card
yaaaaa
mmm transfat
prepay for your poison today then look like a pimp when you pull out the card at the place to be on a friday nite
shop online at retardedpoisonbargains.com

youre gonna get caught eating those cookies, man, they have cameras everywhere
said my concerned coworke

"thats why i eat them like this , two hands per cookie" middle fingers extended

sinatra a homo?
(to the tune of witchcraft)
that jism in my hair
your tasty underwear
id like to strip you bare
its bitch - craft

refrain-and altho id like to bee covered in goooooooooooooooooooooooo
when you AROUSE the need in me
i say i want your seed in me
what good would condom sense for me dooooOOOOOOOOOOO

its bitch craft
yeah im your bitch craft
it makes sense
he was a pretty man
he and dean martin
both used alcoholism to hide the shame of their homosexuality
it makes sense that the mafia is a gay bastion
kiss my ring
yeah
well don homo
i cant kiss your ring while you are playing with yourself like
that
try
try or die
you wanna be a made man or not?
kiss the ring
yeah thats it
yeah
the mafia has always had strong ties to the homoridden church

i figure i can do this mafia guys are all homos act maybe once or twice before i have to change my name
or go into the comedian protection program or face a hail od gunfire from my south philly audience
maybe i can do a bit where Rocky is gay too
and really make friends

im starting my rap career with this tune
well this is the hook anyway

i dont care if your complexion is dark or pallid
come on girl and
toss my salad
so what if your living conditions are squallid?
its paradise when you
toss my salad

i got the job writing the fourth installment of the fast and the furious
where fast rides and hot women and violence intersect in a new locale in each movie
they pushed it to the limit in miami, tokyo and detroit
now the fastest drivers, in the coolest cars, take on the ultimate challenge in
FAST AND FURIOUS FOUR
IRAQUI DESERT RACERS
theyve got to get these semis across the desert so our brave heroic fighting men can have ice cream for dessert in the desert
man that would work
call MGM for me
whose got the number

speaking of movies, i saw that gay cowboy moie the other day
it didnt seem gay right away either
it wasnt gay right away it was scenic
all those vistas and shit
it sort of snuck up on you
then
BAM
gayness
that scene on horseback
when billy crystals character is talking to old gruff jack palances character
about that one thing
how do you know when youve found the one thing?
says billy earnestly
you just know says palance
and that thing is WANG
now drop your drawers jewboy and face mecca
we can do this with or without the knife to your throat, your choice

is it child abuse to expose kids to nascar?


tits for days
pleasing features
second chin
trying to hold onto her sexiness with her low cut blouse
but on the tail end of it
her gut is becoming an issue
but she has these crytal blue glazzies
a penetrating gaze
but no ass to speak of
no bubble
no cushion for the pushin
the too-flat ass skews her towards dumpy
probably gives great head to mean spirited ex-jocks with fading washboard abs and 100 dollar sunglasses in parking lots for lines of shitty coke on saturdays when she can get a sitter