a laundry pile the size of a sofa in one corner
closet floor filled to mid thigh
not a stitch of undies or anything resembling clean i had to purchase clothing on friday night for the saturday blacklandlord show
saturday is a rugby day
my olde team played in baltimore on sat so there was no weigh i was gonna either miss either fine show
i guess im mostly a spectator now
after years of being the main attraction
now im a cheerleader
go team go
well, a cheerleader with mean dance moves
which i broke out at the black landlord show
to the delight of the lesbians i shared the floor with
im a nimble hippopotamus
a water horse
us hippopotami are very graceful in the water
and i was so well lubricated that it felt like i was in my river and all was well in the world
i left work early friday with every intention of doing laundry and watching venus play
but my email suggested i should stop by oneals pub and watch the opening game of the rugby world cup in which argentina beat france in the opener in france
big time stuff there
one beer led to another and i didnt make the laundromat, but i did catch marshalls right before they closed and bought some fly dancing threads and was set for some grooving
the game was exciting and there was always a beer in my hand and sunlight beating down on me as i made my debut as sideline camera dude
its hard to watch and focus and zoom and i was quite thankful when the camera told me the battery was dead
time for my patented booming voiced harrassment/encouragement
i like to mix it up
whne our tiny guy derailed their biggest ox
'ox fully expecting to run our tiny guy over
i let them both know
alternating praise and scorn to the delight of many
the sun took its toll
i slept on the way back to philly to rest up for the big show
washed up
and was on the way to the show
meeting up with my lesbian posse for a quick attitude adjustment and herbal remedies,
i had the horrible news that my 22 year olde dance partner was already drunk and not making this event
saddened, i hit the joint harder
and we made our way to the club
a carvernous place on the outskirts of chinatowne
the dancefloor loomed
there was a friggin discoball
and the show was hours late starting
the opening act was a seven girl, two guy dance troupe
they tried to entertain
their harvey fierstein-esque emcee kept introducing duo after solo after trio
it was a "fringe festival" thing
the emcee told us to have fun
i started heckling
booming again at every silent moment
bird cage
i love you harvey
hey harvey
yo harvey fierstein
the show was getting interesting to me
perhaps because his dancers were gay he had to do an explanation from the stage
im Not harvey fierstien
im a burly heterosexual
and the lesbian possee, haze and myself cracked the fuck up
mercifully it ended
and the band came on
they rocked the house
sweat was abundant
the walk home did not sober me up in the slightest
and i was up at the crack of noon
no more laundry avoidance
off to the landromat
and it hit me
in the anus
like a nail
a persistent nail
it felt like gas
\but id been fooled badly before
so, unrustingly, i waited to fart
the nail was persistent
throbbing a bit
please fart me hary
its just bad gas
im not a gob of syrupy non stool feces
im justa fart
fart me
the pain began
part of it due to the face that the public restroom in the laundromat was heinous in it own way
the one at the bar across th street ten times worse
and my apartment ten blocks away
ITS GONNA BLOW!!!
screamed the texas wildcat oil men who streamed from my drawers after hearing the tell tale rumblings
i tight assed it to the restrrom at the laundromat
sat on the seat with my shorts on and wiggled to sanitize the seat
dropped tro asat my ever so sweaty ass on the seat hoping the sweat was more evil than the diseases of the seat
BLAMMO
i was done
it wasnt a fart at all
it was a bowl full of steamy pudding
i got up satisfied and looked around for the shit paper
and looked some more
then i looked at the sink
wet my hands
and cleaned up the caveman way
ironically at teh card game later in the evening a local wit opined that i looked like the caveman in the insurance commercial due to my full rangy beard
i sure smelled like one
ill be a caveman all the time if the local fellas are gona keep playing cards like they are retarded
i was up 800 at one point
and stinking like a goat
people thought it was a fart whenever i opened mylegs
i kept them closed
dumped back 200 or so back into the game so they thought i sucked at poker a little to and walked home with an extra 450 in my pnats along with that heinous smell
and thats why i am tired on monday mornings at work
closet floor filled to mid thigh
not a stitch of undies or anything resembling clean i had to purchase clothing on friday night for the saturday blacklandlord show
saturday is a rugby day
my olde team played in baltimore on sat so there was no weigh i was gonna either miss either fine show
i guess im mostly a spectator now
after years of being the main attraction
now im a cheerleader
go team go
well, a cheerleader with mean dance moves
which i broke out at the black landlord show
to the delight of the lesbians i shared the floor with
im a nimble hippopotamus
a water horse
us hippopotami are very graceful in the water
and i was so well lubricated that it felt like i was in my river and all was well in the world
i left work early friday with every intention of doing laundry and watching venus play
but my email suggested i should stop by oneals pub and watch the opening game of the rugby world cup in which argentina beat france in the opener in france
big time stuff there
one beer led to another and i didnt make the laundromat, but i did catch marshalls right before they closed and bought some fly dancing threads and was set for some grooving
the game was exciting and there was always a beer in my hand and sunlight beating down on me as i made my debut as sideline camera dude
its hard to watch and focus and zoom and i was quite thankful when the camera told me the battery was dead
time for my patented booming voiced harrassment/encouragement
i like to mix it up
whne our tiny guy derailed their biggest ox
'ox fully expecting to run our tiny guy over
i let them both know
alternating praise and scorn to the delight of many
the sun took its toll
i slept on the way back to philly to rest up for the big show
washed up
and was on the way to the show
meeting up with my lesbian posse for a quick attitude adjustment and herbal remedies,
i had the horrible news that my 22 year olde dance partner was already drunk and not making this event
saddened, i hit the joint harder
and we made our way to the club
a carvernous place on the outskirts of chinatowne
the dancefloor loomed
there was a friggin discoball
and the show was hours late starting
the opening act was a seven girl, two guy dance troupe
they tried to entertain
their harvey fierstein-esque emcee kept introducing duo after solo after trio
it was a "fringe festival" thing
the emcee told us to have fun
i started heckling
booming again at every silent moment
bird cage
i love you harvey
hey harvey
yo harvey fierstein
the show was getting interesting to me
perhaps because his dancers were gay he had to do an explanation from the stage
im Not harvey fierstien
im a burly heterosexual
and the lesbian possee, haze and myself cracked the fuck up
mercifully it ended
and the band came on
they rocked the house
sweat was abundant
the walk home did not sober me up in the slightest
and i was up at the crack of noon
no more laundry avoidance
off to the landromat
and it hit me
in the anus
like a nail
a persistent nail
it felt like gas
\but id been fooled badly before
so, unrustingly, i waited to fart
the nail was persistent
throbbing a bit
please fart me hary
its just bad gas
im not a gob of syrupy non stool feces
im justa fart
fart me
the pain began
part of it due to the face that the public restroom in the laundromat was heinous in it own way
the one at the bar across th street ten times worse
and my apartment ten blocks away
ITS GONNA BLOW!!!
screamed the texas wildcat oil men who streamed from my drawers after hearing the tell tale rumblings
i tight assed it to the restrrom at the laundromat
sat on the seat with my shorts on and wiggled to sanitize the seat
dropped tro asat my ever so sweaty ass on the seat hoping the sweat was more evil than the diseases of the seat
BLAMMO
i was done
it wasnt a fart at all
it was a bowl full of steamy pudding
i got up satisfied and looked around for the shit paper
and looked some more
then i looked at the sink
wet my hands
and cleaned up the caveman way
ironically at teh card game later in the evening a local wit opined that i looked like the caveman in the insurance commercial due to my full rangy beard
i sure smelled like one
ill be a caveman all the time if the local fellas are gona keep playing cards like they are retarded
i was up 800 at one point
and stinking like a goat
people thought it was a fart whenever i opened mylegs
i kept them closed
dumped back 200 or so back into the game so they thought i sucked at poker a little to and walked home with an extra 450 in my pnats along with that heinous smell
and thats why i am tired on monday mornings at work
posted by bakeowski | 3:56 PM
2 Comments:
you have no excuse not to be blogging AT LEAST once a day. Your loyal audience shouldn't have to re-read old blogs while they wait days --DAYS!-- for a new one.
im working on my new setup and the trouble is the internet connex but thats just details
im on it
its retraining my mind is all
its being dealt with by management
you are not going to be AS dissappointed
its just the quallity will suck is all
im like a geyser
this is my release
ive been less that seismic lately
but thats changing
everything is pissing me off these days
now that the love infection is leaving my system
and all i have is my olde pal rage
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