sunday was a whirlwind
set in motion by a butterflies wings
a butterfly who hasnt mastered the art of losing
snapping at me the day after a huge loss
in the roller derby world
someone i shared laughs with when she was an easy winner
happy in the spotlight
gracious in victory

gracious enough even to banter with a troll politely

then the dream dies
horribly, in overtime
he just wants to bite
well, it wasnt me skating in fudge out there yesterday
it wasnt me wearing a look of wonder as larger faster women had their way with me
and a heartbreaking loss is part of sports
and this kinda butterfly/troll hybrid is waaay too sensitive to take even imagined abuse
and if the gals i was "sorta cool" with were this fierce
its time to go

so the butterfly shook her wings
and my pocket full of cash went elsewhere
it was too pretty a day to be indoors with hostile women who barely tolerate my freakishness when they are in high spirits
i had a wad of cash burning in my pocket
a spending machine
a great night of real bartending made me want to spread my cash joy
it was like in the olde days
cash coming out of my ears
more easy cash on the horizon
a spigot of cash because i know how to speak drunkenese
i know their secret language
i was embedded among them for years
i studied thier ways
reporting to you
the audience at home
the trials and sip-u-lations
the comedy
the tragedy
the destructive energy of wasted young lives

so i set sail and was enjoying the freakish warmth of a glorious november day
indian fall?
who sez global warming is all bad?
safe harbour this time was a friendly hottie bartender
good food
banter for hours
i txt her save me a seat
she replies good luck

good luck is with me and i snag a corner stool
i shoehorn my way in
"excuse me is this seat taken"
no space is made but the space i make
im a little closer than i like to be
my choices are sit huddled in the corner or maybe sideways on the seat but way too close


the tv is hard to see
im not part of the action over here in the corner
the guy is too close to my junk
i begin to plot when a seat opens up in the middle
thank god
i make a move and say
(hilariously)
"im moving over there guys,
this guy has been hitting on me
and not for nothing
this guy here (at new seat)is way cuter"

her violent ex husband walks in
you can see the tension in her face
you cant see the bruises anymore
and i wonder
does this violate the restraining order?
who is she more fearful for?
i dial my flirt game back a few decibels
tap tap tap on my shoulder

"what did you just say?"

I say alot of things ,

"when you moved..."

i turn and face a glaring, greying blade
about 85-100 pounds my junior
and he's proving a point

i saw two guys at a bar
i made the easy gay joke
he wants to go sir galahad on me
i start to explain that 95 % of the world would laugh at that interaction

i apologize to the ferocious gay dwarf
i tell the lovely couple that i am a clown thats how i roll
i explain the funny joke
but nothing is funnier than an explained joke
i say " 95% of the world....."

laser beam eyes
"be VERY carfeul what you say next"
oh shit!
the hostility
the rancor
i change my statement to "95 percent of the world would accept my apology gracefully" because it's not that big a deal
im excited to be out of my house
im trying to be harry 1987 when i ruled all of the bars and events in washington dc with my burly persona
my fistfuls of cash
my swagger
my physique my easy humor
and now, 20 years later fags are threatening me?
come the fuck on already....
do the grey hairs in my beard make you think you have a chance, elton?
what are you planning to do, bleed all over me and give me the hiv?
JEEBUS AITCH CHRISTALNACHT

but im a highly evolved social creature
i back down, hilariously, with a twinkling in my eye
i offer to buy them a shot and tell them i feel like im chasing them out
what ever

the bartenders mom walks in as they walk out
we chat
she starts sharing way too many details about her feelings for the lurking psychotic at the other end of the bar
she HATES him
he comes to talk to a pal behind her left shoulder
does he hear her?
do i care?
ive already been chumped by a roller girl and intimidated by george micheal
mama details that "she isnt the kind of person to wish harm upon somebody, but if she were...."
the tension is palpable in the bartenders face
shes grinding her teeth
shes got half of her usual personality on display
i tell her i think shes pretty
she tells me fuck you
its that kind of day
he leaves
she brightens, her personlity reappears a little and she can share the details of her back pain with me
the day gets better, im in the inner circle
her face tightens
i know without looking that LERCH is back
the grey haired butler from the Addams fam

a young hottie friend of hers comes back to the bar
wed chatted on two occaisions
i introduce her to mom
they bond
i mention BLACK LANDLORD is playing in an hour downtown
shes game, shes heard of them
im cheering eagles field goals now
they just have the stink of losing on them
and i dont reall care
i used to

We head downtown, stopping for shots
thats where the extra 30 went!
HA!
anyway, we chat as we walk and she has man issues which are easily solvable with the proper amount of kicking and a dash of curb
i get the distinct impression shes flirting with me as she mentions that age is just a number, but im way too bombed and not flirting back
she seems high matenance
my liver would never survive her
how could her standards be so low with a booty like that?
really
the band rocks
in a surreal moment they are playing my favorite song about "jerking off in a sock, sitting on a sofa...." to a room half full of roller dykes and their lovers
my dance game is on
the band is on
its a glorious night but standing is getting too hard
i can dance/stumble
but standing still is almost impossible
im sliding down walls
im borderline sloppy
i do the unthinkable
i leave a room of wildly writhing hottie
girls rocking their tight silver derby shorts
the denver fight club ruled the dance floor
rockin each others world in sychronized lap dancing manuvers to the techno beats of the dj
one chick dancing in hot pink boy shorts and bra
as if at a rave
"Donde es LOS DRUGAS?"

ive never walked out of a liver party
this was the one
i staggered out at 1130 sunday night
i havent ditched a hottie harder than i did this night
the music started
i hit the floor
im just focussed i guess
i was focussed on fun this day
and spent most of monday in bed and the rest of it as if in an Aquarium
sounds were muted by the water
walking was one third or one quarted speed
bloop bloop bloop bloop
at the bottom of a pool
foggy
fantastic