Big business fans everywhere were wondering about how the franchise self described as the gold standard would react to the public relations tsunami that was its recent talent aquisition. When your corporate monopoly is a beloved regional juggernaut, you get used to steamrolling your critics. This signing of a convicted felon to a franchise who has always prided itself on hiring only men of the highest character has raised the level of our expectations for fans of corporate doublespeak. Our beloved regional franchise did not dissappoint.

The timing of the press release detailing the recent signing was impeccable. While most of the organization was engaged in a field testing of their product running at near capacity, the PR department leaked the release one quarter of the way through this field test. All vital personnel were focussed on the test so it was in effect a classic "soft opening". Post-test all of the questions nautrally had to do with the new aquistion and very little to do with the sub par performance of the asset protection division. Which was their first stroke of genius. The field test indicated it we were likely to lose ten million dollars in assets fairly easrly on in the upcoming business cycle. New of this nature would generally panic the media covering this franchise, but they acted as the PR department masterminds predicted they would and focussed on the felon who happened to kill a kitten or two in heinous fashion in his past life, and not on the looming, crippling loss of assets.

Here is where the second masterstroke was painted. The manager of the team answered furious question after furious question (they are rabid fans of big business in our hamlet) by playing the god card. Saying that it was the christian thing to do, to give the man a second chance, and what kind of terrible people were these media types to not let the adjudicated and rehabilitated new member of the corporation come in and earn his living. Who were they to judge and render opinion? He then cited his celebrated monomaniacal nature, noting that he had to ask himself at the end of the day did this make our corporation more competitve and the answer was yes. He also invoked the crowd pleasing battlefield analogies, comparing his corporations successes to those of our nation and how he hoped to satisfy the regional bloodlust by the hiring a true mercenary, feared for his cold blooded nature and killer instinct.

The next day, with the local scribes still in a frenzy, the owner of the corporation made a heart felt speech about how "conflicted" he was about the signing. In business we call thisblic record that plausible deniability. He puts it in the public record that he trusts his management team, but reserves the moral highground and thus has it both ways. His wife can now still attend charity functions and continue the blue blood lifestyle as usual by saying she laid down the law to , he can say I'm still not sure and still reap the rewards of having the most talented roster of sociaopaths money can buy because lets face it, he was purchasing damaged goods at fire sale prices, but that is how great wealth has always been accumulated, buying distressed assets, haw haw haw, good show old boy, would you like another Pimms cup? The owner thus has his management team on the hook for the decision, successful mangers have much in common with fascists afterall, but the only successful ones get rehired, good luck on your upcoming business cycle, and the public has been shown that the owner has compassion afterall but also wants to win. Having the cake and eating it too.

The fourth brilliant PR move of our beloved regional business monopoly came during the regulary scheduled managers radio appearance on the local business network. The manager said, this is America and second chances are what America is all about. His lapdog in the press then asked him if his recent family crisis with his sons had anything to do with his thinking and of course that was part of the process. His sons needed a second chance and he was grateful they got them and all of a sudden he is not just the manager but the adpted father of this recently acquired felon. Genius.
Finally they had to find a way to quiet the howling taking place on the call in shows where the masses had their say, where the common business fan could have his say and where the steamroller of public opinion gains its power. Half of the fans swallow the
PR machines cake and are happy to have a chance to finally share the impending ultimate corporate victory during the upcoming business cycle. They think at lng last they have the final piece of the puzzle. They bleed the corporate colrs, want to give the second chance and maybe taste the sweet sweet taste of supporting the yearly regional corporate champion. There are minority callers who call in to saythat if you do not support the felon it is abvious that you don't because of the racism that stilll exists in our society and this further muddies the thinking about the situation.
The final master stroke is to portray the corporate detractors as strident shrill blue state types who have nothing better to do than support the cause of animal rights and you now how crazy they are and by the corporate koolaid has been seasoned just right. To be against this corporation is to be against family values, christianity, MLK and the United States of America. Which is why they are the gold standard. Rising against nightmarish PR odds to muddy everyones thinking with something that not only we can rally around but things the corporate detractors should be ashamed of and go corporation go! Go Corp Go!