when i told homeless charlie, aka tangerine man, that i was broke and jobless he told me i was always welcome. he was standing in the middle of columbus boulevard in front of YOUR STORE NAME HERE and begging for change with his "i am homeless, please help God bless you sign. YOUR GOD HERE^^^
it was the best offer ive had in days.
ive been applying for jobs everywhere, and while tailoring my cover letter to indicate that i was a loyal customer, as well as a crack management candidate, i realized what a whore i was being for cash and decided to go all out. to become the best money grubbing whore i can be.
yeah i applied to the army today.
^^^^YOUR BRANCH OF THE MILITARY,GOVT AGENCY HERE
...lied about my age...lessee how far into the intake process i can get before their computer finds out im 8 years too old...theyll prolly throw me in some jail for lying to the government in a time of heightened terror....
or give me the option of going to iraq for a year, ten in jail or one in iraq...
if you want to buy any of these links you can pay the standard fee and the link is yours for one year, then the rights revert to me...ill give you a discount price on the next year, a very special one at that....
anytime you see a place in all caps YOUR NAME is the greatest rugby player ever and this is why, its your chance to get on the imbakeowski team in a very tangible and everlasting way....
you will be issued stock
i know this is prolly illegal too, but heck, its a white collar crime, ill go to a pussy ass white collar jail and run the shit....yeah thats right, ill be bossing all them tyco motherfukkas around and the enron boys and all those cats....unless they are out already...prolly are
^^^^YOUR SCANDAL RIDDEN COMPANY HERE!!!!
yeah ill make those ceo millionaires my bitches and make sodomy(non homo just as plain old maile dominace tool) no lube <<<
its anal karma time,
its anal karma time
its anal karma time"
and now the anal karma time dancers, entering to their official song
"doin da butt, hey sexy sexy<<<
ok baybee, its all about the marketing now, yeah, ill provide the product, and even the references, maybe even making links to some of the harder words if i can find the right ONLINE DICTIONARY COMPANY...
this definition by websters, bloviate...verb. to do something and describe it with an obscure term, when a simpler term would have sufficed.
i started hanging out with homeless dudes on a trip to vegas with my rugby team.
we stayed at and the hookers were three deep around the bar...
i never got so many pretty smiles in my life, but 400 was the going rate and that would have left me close to fundless....i wish theyd come thru the poker area when i was up that 1800...
i could have come out way ahead there..
anyway i ran that pile of cash down to nothing in a day and a half, not sleeping round the clock poker was doing me fine.
36 hours of white russians into this poker orgy, no accelerants in my system and my adrenal gland failing i played some drunken blackjack...and went quickly broke
so i was walking across town,
all the way across,
when i noticed train tracks, so i climbed up the gravel embankment and started walking along them sort of hoping for a train to come and singing >DRUNK LOSER SONG HERE
stopped melodifying
and entered stealth mode...
young voices in the night...one of my favortie sounds...ahhh nocturnal beach sex, fun in the pool, dorm girls staggering in late, young voices laughing in the nite air is delicious to my ears.
not that i have a shot or that i am anything but olde fat slow broke and creepy with no rap these days.
it was just an olde habit
and you know about the elderly nuns who wear those habits and how they die so hard,
i mean you kick them,
you stomp them
and they still finger you in a police lineup,
their crushed windpipes never seem crushed enough,
thats why i always use>YOUR BASEBALL BAT HERE<
so i stagger towards these young voices
it sounds like a party up ahead in the construction rubble strewn gully they are walking out of.
the teens and i walk down into the gully, which i later find out is actually a wash, and its all post apocalyptic there, with the concrete and rebar debris and teh shacks in the little camp at the bottom of the wash...
bedsprings and tin cans dominate the trash pile, but theres really nothing near the entrances and there are a few chairs set up outside one of the dwellings.
a battery powered tv is on inside
i meet the fellas and theres a wild eyed skinny one who does most of the talking and his dog.
his dog weighs about the same as my 270 lbs and looks like he had one too many hits of acid
in his day. eyes that alwyas seem to be focussing just to one side or the other of you and a voice that is a whispered shout, damaged vocal cords like he tried to crush a nuns windpipe one day and the tough old bird turned the tables on his biker lookin ass.
the talkative one says his dog was once a hells angel, i think he looks like a great prop,
like he is readily capable of mayhem. but he is a mostly gentle giant, here at his home with company over...
they say they are just on the way to the store to get some beer and i say that sounds "like a capital idea,"
"tut tut old man " and a hoarse "cheerio" are the bums replies.
the spigot on the warehouse we pass turns into a brief head dowsing and drinkup for the big fella. we get to the store and the skinny guy says wait a minute and the big guy starts panhandling the cars that stop at the light. hes good, a nice vacant smile makes him look a little less likely to eat your children, and he seems to make himself smaller.
i decide to treat, go in the place and overdraw my debit card, what the heck its vegas, and when i come out i find out that their favorite malt liquor is the as mine. the strongest potion they sell.
the one that rips your stomach lining out and makes your head feel so fine the next day.
we get back to their camp and they offer me "the good chair"
its a nice one alright.
skinny dissappears into blue tv glow of his shack and emerges with the surprise of the evening, a large cup of ice.
they get it from the ice machine at a nearby hotel. the ice cuts the nasty steel taste of the can that is dissolving because of the nastiness of the beverage it holds, but all is fine in the world as we share two four packs.
they feast daily on the day old sandwiches the vending guy throws out and its a pretty good life here, but the big dog wants to move to the state capitol because the begging is better there.
and theres the big red ball every morning that ruins their sleep.
it gets hot in the wash so they move around most of the day begging and finding air conditioned refuges from the heat.
we are out of beer so i say good bye and scratch at the last sand flea and feel good about myself for the first time in months.
it was the best offer ive had in days.
ive been applying for jobs everywhere, and while tailoring my cover letter to indicate that i was a loyal customer, as well as a crack management candidate, i realized what a whore i was being for cash and decided to go all out. to become the best money grubbing whore i can be.
yeah i applied to the army today.
^^^^YOUR BRANCH OF THE MILITARY,GOVT AGENCY HERE
...lied about my age...lessee how far into the intake process i can get before their computer finds out im 8 years too old...theyll prolly throw me in some jail for lying to the government in a time of heightened terror....
or give me the option of going to iraq for a year, ten in jail or one in iraq...
if you want to buy any of these links you can pay the standard fee and the link is yours for one year, then the rights revert to me...ill give you a discount price on the next year, a very special one at that....
anytime you see a place in all caps YOUR NAME is the greatest rugby player ever and this is why, its your chance to get on the imbakeowski team in a very tangible and everlasting way....
you will be issued stock
i know this is prolly illegal too, but heck, its a white collar crime, ill go to a pussy ass white collar jail and run the shit....yeah thats right, ill be bossing all them tyco motherfukkas around and the enron boys and all those cats....unless they are out already...prolly are
^^^^YOUR SCANDAL RIDDEN COMPANY HERE!!!!
yeah ill make those ceo millionaires my bitches and make sodomy(non homo just as plain old maile dominace tool) no lube <<<
its anal karma time,
its anal karma time
its anal karma time"
and now the anal karma time dancers, entering to their official song
"doin da butt, hey sexy sexy<<<
ok baybee, its all about the marketing now, yeah, ill provide the product, and even the references, maybe even making links to some of the harder words if i can find the right ONLINE DICTIONARY COMPANY...
this definition by websters, bloviate...verb. to do something and describe it with an obscure term, when a simpler term would have sufficed.
i started hanging out with homeless dudes on a trip to vegas with my rugby team.
we stayed at
i never got so many pretty smiles in my life, but 400 was the going rate and that would have left me close to fundless....i wish theyd come thru the poker area when i was up that 1800...
i could have come out way ahead there..
anyway i ran that pile of cash down to nothing in a day and a half, not sleeping round the clock poker was doing me fine.
36 hours of white russians into this poker orgy, no accelerants in my system and my adrenal gland failing i played some drunken blackjack...and went quickly broke
so i was walking across town,
all the way across,
when i noticed train tracks, so i climbed up the gravel embankment and started walking along them sort of hoping for a train to come and singing >DRUNK LOSER SONG HERE
stopped melodifying
and entered stealth mode...
young voices in the night...one of my favortie sounds...ahhh nocturnal beach sex, fun in the pool, dorm girls staggering in late, young voices laughing in the nite air is delicious to my ears.
not that i have a shot or that i am anything but olde fat slow broke and creepy with no rap these days.
it was just an olde habit
and you know about the elderly nuns who wear those habits and how they die so hard,
i mean you kick them,
you stomp them
and they still finger you in a police lineup,
their crushed windpipes never seem crushed enough,
thats why i always use>YOUR BASEBALL BAT HERE<
so i stagger towards these young voices
it sounds like a party up ahead in the construction rubble strewn gully they are walking out of.
the teens and i walk down into the gully, which i later find out is actually a wash, and its all post apocalyptic there, with the concrete and rebar debris and teh shacks in the little camp at the bottom of the wash...
bedsprings and tin cans dominate the trash pile, but theres really nothing near the entrances and there are a few chairs set up outside one of the dwellings.
a battery powered tv is on inside
i meet the fellas and theres a wild eyed skinny one who does most of the talking and his dog.
his dog weighs about the same as my 270 lbs and looks like he had one too many hits of acid
in his day. eyes that alwyas seem to be focussing just to one side or the other of you and a voice that is a whispered shout, damaged vocal cords like he tried to crush a nuns windpipe one day and the tough old bird turned the tables on his biker lookin ass.
the talkative one says his dog was once a hells angel, i think he looks like a great prop,
like he is readily capable of mayhem. but he is a mostly gentle giant, here at his home with company over...
they say they are just on the way to the store to get some beer and i say that sounds "like a capital idea,"
"tut tut old man " and a hoarse "cheerio" are the bums replies.
the spigot on the warehouse we pass turns into a brief head dowsing and drinkup for the big fella. we get to the store and the skinny guy says wait a minute and the big guy starts panhandling the cars that stop at the light. hes good, a nice vacant smile makes him look a little less likely to eat your children, and he seems to make himself smaller.
i decide to treat, go in the place and overdraw my debit card, what the heck its vegas, and when i come out i find out that their favorite malt liquor is the as mine. the strongest potion they sell.
the one that rips your stomach lining out and makes your head feel so fine the next day.
we get back to their camp and they offer me "the good chair"
its a nice one alright.
skinny dissappears into blue tv glow of his shack and emerges with the surprise of the evening, a large cup of ice.
they get it from the ice machine at a nearby hotel. the ice cuts the nasty steel taste of the can that is dissolving because of the nastiness of the beverage it holds, but all is fine in the world as we share two four packs.
they feast daily on the day old sandwiches the vending guy throws out and its a pretty good life here, but the big dog wants to move to the state capitol because the begging is better there.
and theres the big red ball every morning that ruins their sleep.
it gets hot in the wash so they move around most of the day begging and finding air conditioned refuges from the heat.
we are out of beer so i say good bye and scratch at the last sand flea and feel good about myself for the first time in months.
posted by bakeowski | 5:34 PM
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