is a fartless life worth living?
for six straight days my bowels have betrayed me
what feels fartish, isn't
luckily i was standing on newspaper in my kitchen that morning
making my coffee

i decided to toot, for the kitties
a little music with their kibble
they were eyeing me expectantly
having roused me by nibbling my fingers
telling me, "ill eat you if you dont feed me"

the musical accompaniment wasn't
instead, i felt a warm dribble on my calf
oh shiite!
my asshole has joined the ranks of rogue states
asshole terrorists!
try jogging for the bus in this condition
try hoping youve caught it in your cheeks,
clenching them on the bus.
hoping can make a restroom before smaering the insides of your lingerie
one of my lifes great joys has become dangerous
im a very dangerous man
women are attracted to this dangerousness
this undershort mess
living on the edge