i signed up for a blood pressure study
425 bucks and free medication
the lady slipped the cuff on me and the machine did its thing
she thought the machine was busted
this piece of crap,
she said
that cant be right
hold on a minute hun
the second and third attempts yeilded the same numbers
so she did it by hand
sorry hun your pressure is too high for the study
you sure you dont feel dizzy?
blurred vision?
shortness of breath?
weakness?
numbness?
nope nope and nope nope nope
overqualified
like on my job hunts
i apply for a dishwahing position on line
at the ritz carlton
after asking about my criminal record
they ask about my schooling
they dont call back either
no one does
at least glaxo smith kline blew me off in person
the nurses used the phrase "walking time bomb"
so i guess that makes me a terrorist
all i gotta do is yell god is great and detonate
except this bomb would only hurt my family
so i guess ill go to the doctor for more chemicals
so i can live a long and productive life
long is covered
now to start producing
what can i produce?
hurt feelings
shocked silences
noxious gasses
vomit on demand
a mean omlette
kicking spanish rice (thanks aunt kitty!)
i can make large men go backwards with my scrummaging prowess
can make cats purr
dogs wag
i can make a crowd boo at a comedy club
i can make your girlfriend love me
i can make your wife hate me
i can make rugby players give me money at a card table
tick tick tick
so many accomplishments
such a vast potential
look out world
im done hibernating
better try to beat me down now, world
before i pick up some momentum
im close to unstoppable when focussed
yeah
shoot some more slings and arrows my way
i love outrageous fortune
tickles me
fuck you world im waking up
wallowing, while fun, is getting old
my brain has processed the poison
turned it into snot
another snot rocket whistles from my nose
my thoughts clear
the snot-fog less dense
and now its time to start dancing again
dancing to the beep of the blod prssure machine
beep
beep beep