i almost kissed a canadian at happy hour last week
she apparently likes a man with some meat on his bones
thats me
meaty, bonery
she was drunk to the point of extreme honesty
we talked about poker
she lamented the fact that i wasnt the type of man shed just go back to the hotel and fuck
i am the type of man that she gives her blog address too
im so lucky
but the obvious path now is to transform mself into the type of man whom women take home and fuck
instead of the schlubby forever dude vibe i must be giving off
women see me and think, yup, thats my last boyfriend
they have to ask themselves if they are willing to see this face at breakfast every morning
the one they want to hump forever
i need to join a gym and get the fuck me tonight look back
bristling with musculature
a brawny, sweaty lover who they may or may not ever talk to again
and of course this is yet another opportunity to quit drinking
another reason
another promise to make myself healthier
its a small change in attiude
especially with an aggressive campaighn of starving oneself during the day
one sensible meal at night
fruit and nutrition bars during the day
peanuts
tofu based meals at night
why not be a vegetarian too
why the fuck not
yeah
im almost sure the last one made a crack about my weight in our last conversation ever
that should be worth a little will power
im almost sure that spirits are made to be drank in celebration only
what am i celebrating tonight
woo hoo its sunday?
woo hoo its monday?

get the thought patterns right
frame the argument
use logic to reshape my life
actually THINK about my life and its direction for a bit
instead of the whole lazy zen approach of just letting life flow at me
around me
contemplate, plan to soar,
or at least get a little bit off the ground
change the course of the stream a bit
i declare myself unthirsty
stoical
maniacal
determined to enjoy one last renaissance in my 45th year of existence
when i finally got it together and the world trembled at the scope and sheer enormity of my genius
all bow down before the great self-actualized superstar of anonimty