blog closed for mental repairs

i must become a successful capitalist

make something of myself

begin my economic legacy, stop wasting time with words, end the relaxed attitude towards the future...

fuck that

that sounds like work

ill trip across some incredible opportunity or die a pauper

there is nobility in being poor

ive woken up in million dollar houses before

it didnt take

ive acted civilized when called upon to

i was THE MAN in quite a few of the schools and restaurants i worked in

look what it got me

i prefer being the loaded cannon in the room

i prefer being unpredictable

to talk my way out of sticky situations

to make my words work for me

save my ass boys

id hate to have to fight my way out of this

id hate to have to fight because sometimes i dont stop swinging

sometimes i just want to hurt someone bad

thats what rugby was good for

andi havent played for a while

and the thing about wanting to fuck someone up in rugby is that your ass gets fucked up too

unless you are a total prick

an amoral stomper of people

and those tend to get their asses handed to them eventually

in rugby you pay the price for knocking the shit out of someone

its very instructive

its not a metaphorical payment either

its physical

its i cant move my head today pain for a few days

the elbows are the only way to really dish it out and get away scot free

but even then you miss a little and its you not flexing the elbow for a week or two

i miss running full speed towards some mayhem

getting the body angle right

to win the ball

to win this little battle

in the eighty minute war of men

that is a rugby game

you want to get into some shit

its an all you can eat shit buffet

and in the real world

my shit seeking hunger

causes nothing but problems

and i laugh

and they think im crazy

and maybe i am

but i wasnt crazy until i learned to read

i hope you find a way to get the shit out of your system

the world is toxic

process the toxins somehow

find a way to rage

and maybe thats the mans plan

get the rage out of young aggressive males systems in some sort of rule following atmosphere

the rules the ref

they are the symbols of our civilization

rugby a formalized dance of chaotic violence

so much better for society than armed revolution

so i wasted my youthful primal and more plentiful rage in a stupid fucking game

ok

but i learn from my mistakes

and i have plenty of rage left

and instead of directing it at the idiots i work with

i must zen that out and direct it towards a more useful target

what

i dont know

still working it out

but when i figure it out

w e will b e dan geor ousse"

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