it is exhausting applying for every job on craigslist
but it is an exercise in imagination
and creative writing
why would someone who taught school for 12 years and made 40K a year be interested in cooking and barbacking with management attitude for 10 bucks an hour?
simple
im retarded
and i dont like to shave
and im cheap enough to live on ten an hour
and i could probably drink all day and get away with it

but what i said to them was i was going to "use them for a good reference so i can run a restaurant in paradise in a year or two"
who knows if they bought it
i meant it when i typed it
just as i meant it when i told the email address that i loved being the guy in the warehouse who knew where everything was
that i was naturally a very organized person
but that was a lie
but its too late know
i will simply have to compund the lie during the interview
if it ever comes

there is always a bit of freak in my emailed job queries
i think that thats just honest
they'll find out just how high i fly my freak flag eventally anyway
even sooner if they test my pee
man! that test is wrong
i was eating hemp granola bars
i have one here
i need the omega three acids in my diet,
and hemp seeds are the best source since i dont eat or use fish oils
being cruelty free since 93
and farm raised salmon hurt the whales
and ive loved wales ever since i went there on a rugby trip and had sex with someones grandmother
the pubs had just closed
i was heading back to the corgi infested bed and breakfast that i was staying at
ugly, squat little dogs
but good ratters and able to hold their own with a hedgehog
not sure about woozles tho
or heffalumps

so she was heading my way,
staggering slightly
a very sexy sidewalk stagger, as i recall
musta been some magic in the air because we were soon in a cab to her place
when i woke up the next day and took in my surroundings i noticed the pictures
smiling mommy and daughter and grandma
are you a sexy granmother?
do you want a 44 year old trophy man?
ill paint your house
cook your food
sleep with your lonely daughter
tutor your grand kids
i'll wear those tennis shorts you like so much
on and off the court
ill bring out pitchers of iced tea to you and the girls as you play canasta
i might even do a pushup or two so you can enjoy my manly, manly arms

so if you are a grandmother
with a beach house
call me today
i can be on a bus tommorow

and if this sounds like something you might enjoy for your grandma
leave a post here and we will work it out
ill be subtle
she will never know you are paying me
bringing adult companionship to the next level

or
i could make your granny a star
at grannyboff incorporated
and granny boff dot com
your granny could be the newest star of the most dynamic adult pornography on the web
23 skidoo!