went to the inaugural erotic literary salon
my friend
the real writer
buried me in emails and texts and we wound up pregaming it at sugar moms
1.50 pbr tallboys
with her and nosejob

we were trying to figure out what the ninety one year old featured writers work would sound like

i met him charlestoning at the speakeasy in chi town
he bought me a gin rickey and it was 23 skidoo, daddyooo
or worse and worse stuff about sinews, flabby skin and balls hanging below his knees
we made it early to get good seats
grab three at the bar

and suddenly im in a conversation with a smiling lancastarian
hey
i know this game!
what choo drinking i ask?
and her drink of choice is half the money in my pocket
so i back pedal,

claiming poverty

and magically she has a credit card and is buying me one
just one
the game gets better
she writes erotic stuff but couldnt access it
i say i got some a short bike ride away and suddenly im furiously pedalling my bike
grabbing journals from my shelf and back

signing up

the ninety one year old is far better than we imagined
relating a sweet tale of afternoon lust with her 93 year old beau
where at one point her skin was smooth again

this is when i began to feel out of my league

i was regretting it signing up when the first reader was way sexier than me in her tight black strapless thing
way more graphic than me
way more erotically in touch
way more alive

a blonde sheepdog then blow me away with a piece called curves
about sex in the snow in scotland
me

with only two synonyms for wang
feeling like an incredibly shrinking peter in a chilly lake skinnydip

im the worst writer

in any slam
i usually am
thats just a proven fact
i didnt even know what a clit was for thirty years
then people are reading stuff from published writers
and my shrinkee dinkee has turned inward
i now know how it feels to have a vagina

as it starts to burrow thru my intestines
hiding from the spotlight in shame
i take my flask to the bathroom and glug glug some courage
they call my name
i read these two things from 17 years ago
apologizing to the audience in advance
tales from when i was sexy myself
nosejob calls out that im still sexy

and i read my stuff

its really kind of late to develop a moral sense after treating someone like a sperm receptacle for weeks,

but i just dont feel like fucking you anymore

its just not worth it

not worth the shit you make me deal with

and fucking for fuckings sake is fine

but not with you

i know you too well

i know that you are secretly investing worth into the act

even as you protest you arent

i see behind those eyes

and know that you are playing an awful wating game with me

waiting for me to come around

to snap out of ito realize your worth

and my worthlessness

it is beneath youto lay beneath me

acting as a fucksicle

the patient woman

all suffering

you really buy into that role

im not

im not going to let you degrade yourself by submitting to my carnal demands

we both said it means nothing

if it means nothing, why do it?

so im not gonna fuck you anymore

ive suddenly decided it must have meaning

sex is sacred

my temple is closed

worship someone else

leave me the fuck alone

3 dogs in bed with you and your new girl, thankfully she puts them out at 630to run and shit and when she gets back you have a surprise for her its over too quick, the first time ususally is. you resign yourself to the fact, then flash back to last nights conversationin which she related that the first time can make or break a relationship. you build it up so much. and shes had three years of flirtaceous buildup. the coffee isnt so tasty anymore. you mention that a nap would be nice, she concurs, you spoon and surprise! she notices that a nap isnt appropriate, that something needs attention and she climbs on and does her best. she has great control of her hips. as you lay back and enjoy. 15 minutes later she sweatily cracks"you're making me earn it"so you lick her tits a little to make it interesting. her writhing tells you its working, and suddenly you MUST be on top, and youre nailing her to the bed in a perfect coordination of violence and velocity. shes confides later that shes never seen someone so fast, "bunnyfucking" is what thats called. for a minute, you wonder if she meant the first time was fast, and you realize it really doesnt matter

i slink off the stage

and only find out later that people like me

they really like me

unless its a conspiracy

to build me up

only to crush me later....