a cautionary tale
the true to life actual email to an actual person who actually made the mistake of lending me money to play poker when i was dead broke
and then i won
and i will pay him, one way or another
eventually
but i need to get on my feet first
and im still bum like in my bankroll
and i need the breathing room that 300 bucks gives me in my pocket
the potential it represents as cash to spend on a date or on running shoes or exotic greenery which to ignite and inhale and enjoy
someone suggested once that i post an email i sent them
and i still may do that
but here it is the first ever actual
the debut of my newest feature
emails from an asshole
volume one


TO: XXXXXXXX
Subject: i won

but......

my gas has been off for a while and im looking forward
to the hot water that 400 of the winning dollars will
provide
and i owed a guy 200 who was playing in the tournie
that day
first place was 1072
ill send you back the 130 in a check
which means im sitting on 342 in "adjusted gross
profits"
if you want a second check for 171 thats not a problem

but i have a better idea

why dont you take a few minutes and look at my blog
www.imbakeowski.blogspot.com

start from the beginning

september 12 i think
then why dont you start representing me as my agent
some of the ideas are funny and could be developed
and some of it reads like a phone book
tell me what you think and also tell me whether or not
i should start writing about
you know who and you know what
i think i aint gonna do that
because thats someone elses story
but
i would like your input as a member of the publishing
industry
and isnt an agents fee on my vast potential as the new
drunken asshole writer alot more potential filled than
the 171 that my accountant says you are due?
so email me your druthers
become my agent or take the money

i could also send you a series of post dated checks,
100 a month for the next four months
with the last one a balloon payment of 106
130 + 100(1/06) + 100(2/06) + 100(3/06) + 106(4/06)
for a total of half before adjusted groass profits are
taken into account since that was the oral agreement
and no worries

send me an email confirming your understanding of
"half"
also include your address so i can send you back the
130

being a bum without hot water or heat is not as
glamorous as it sounds on my blog
so i had to pay them guys off
and dude was right there so i had to pay him his 200
you are family so you can chill for a minute of two
right?
AND THANKS ALOT FOR THE LOAN!
YOU WILL BE PAID BACK ONE WAY OR ANOTHER EVENTUALLY!
pick your way get back at me and enjoy my blog
see you at xmas
kiss the wife for me
xxx
ooo