snapshots of rage
i process the anger thru scribble
then im all better
cant have those thoughts banging around in my brain
bothering my positive mental environment
ill lose them on the world
im a giver
yeah
lately im less angry than resigned
and as i approach zen perfection
becoming nobody
its easier than being a somebody
somebodies have commitments
somebodies have obligations
somebodies have stress
i just float
i used to have to be the center of attention
im a supporting cast member now
tom saywer has retired
tom sawyer peaked early
tom sawyer had hi blood pressure
to much thinking for others
too much organizizing
i like lurking in the background
saving my energy for when the stars get assassinated
ready to take over if needed
cool with being a backup vocalist

i turned off the craving for alcohol in a conversation
im not that thirsty anymore
twenty years of unquenchable thirst
seeking that numbing rush
programmed to do so be the media
i need a drink
i had a bad day i need a drink
who needs a drink in the movies, on tv?
heros, up against the world....
then, in comedies, the exasperated, the put upon, the crazy...
the idea that you need booze to cope with lifes turmoils and traumas is marketing
theres no other way to cope with lifes problems
self prescribe booze in any flavor you need
and the problems are gone until tommorrow

jesus christ superstar song goes like this
"close your eyes, close your eyes and relax
everythings alright yes everythings fine"

you wake up with a headace and thats the new problem
you are dehydrated shaky...brief exhilaration hits your body as it tries to heal itself from the poisoning from the previous night
then you crash around noon and feel like crap
and set the goal of making happy hour and repoisoning yourself

i dont have the inclination to be addicted to alcohol for a while
it will always be there
waiting for me
ready to take me back
we missed you buddy
unconditional acceptance
the warm embrace of intoxication
taking toxins in
a toxic vacation from reality

tv is another toxic vacation from reality
thats next on the hitlist
then this stupid internet
then maybe my thoughts can become clearer
closer to purity
closer to true reality

a crossroads emerges from my morning bed
i wake up with great ideas sometimes
usally they result in some feverish scribbling and pecking
peck peck peck
this little chicken is industrious this morning
has a nugget of an idea
a germ
something that COULD be worked into cash
something that with a little effort may be profitable
work for works sake
art as work
yeah
this is art
usually i will run the idea out of steam by around noon
then get distracted
have a few beers later and start to forget
wake up tommorrow without the same energy
without the same drive
and thats why i have a sea of notebooks
my mind is already sabotaging the latest idea duo
which is really just a hack kneed revisitation of previously thunk thoughts
its easy to think em
its harder to see them to the end
so instead of pecking away this steam
ill plan
i got a new planner at the hairdressers
yesterday
so i got a new start
a new notebookish thing
a new direction
the ducks start to get in line
intimidated by my stern visage and jack boots
quack boots
boots designed for militarizing ducks
my duck army
yeah
this time will be different my minds says.....
the director in my mind quick cuts to the monolog from taxi driver
stanleys self inprovement regime
im not staring into the mirror as i say it
but im saying the same words
in the same spirit and what does hollywood want us to belive about tis
what about it holllywood?
to improve oneself is psychotic
thats the subtext
self improvement is self absorbtion
is narcissistic
it is becoming part of the problem
its so wonderful to be ME

MUSIC BEGINS TO SWELL
the symphony
like at the oscars when someone is talking to long
except this is a blog and is in my head but still i get the audio...
i been writing too long
the blog gods want me to stop spouting nonsense
they cued the music
BUT DIDNT KNOW I WROTE A SONG FOR JUST SUCH excingincies

BIG MUSIC NUMBER
music starts to swell
a gleeful, jopous outburst....
WHEE........

me wonderful me
hot chocolate and muffins
me wonderful me
skiing out in aspen

i work so very very hard in life
pretending to be other people
so when its time to relax and play
i become positively leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeethal

me wonderful me
hot toffe and biscuts
me wonderful me
loud music and quick cuts

my life and words are so important
they need to be on a screen
im just as clever as those assholes
is what this song screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeams....

me wonderful me
hot women and bong hits
me wonderful me
be careful what your thong hits

i just needed to supercede
the world of haters out there
now im the greatest blogger of them all
the words,
they like to dance wtth me,
mon frereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

me
im wonderful

the oh so wonderful
me so wonderful
the oh so wonder ful
me the wonder ful meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(ends barbershop quartetsishly...)
WON
DER
FUL
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


this is the close of the second act
the curtain goes down
the crowd is jubilant
they've never seen such raw and horrible emotion in all their lives
they dont know whether to get drunk or kill themsleves
they feel a little dirty
poking through an obviously psychotic persons private notebooks
notebooks that you can buy on ebay,
after the trial
they all feel like they need a shower
a little mind cleanse
some images just wont dislodge from their minds
and thats why they pay the big bucks
to be mentally sodomized by a master