working on a musical
based on the economy
beauty and the beast updated
seems the beast invested with madoff
and hes a lot more beastly broke
the first clue of this is in the opening number
to the tune of who will buy my sweet red roses..
from oliver twist

"who will buy my singing teapot?
its been in the family for a while
who will but my singing teapot
no reserve, pay pal prefreed."

scene opens in the beasts mansion
theyre packing stuff up

whattaya mean you only got 400 for the frigging singing candle sticks you whore!
they were worth ten time that
im putting your ass on the srteet you bitch we gotta make the mortgage on this place in three days

cut to the red light district
that outfit looks famlliar
snow white is here too?
the little mermaid?
their men all invested with madoff or worse
they are all selling their asses

they commisserate
remember when we had palaces?
remember how happy our men were....

FLASHBACK
dance number
to the tune of NATHAN DETROIT

the beast is there/other males from disney

"in a hedge fund created by madoff, madoff madoff the jew,
if the size of your trust fund you want to increase
he'll arrange that u go broke in quiet and peace'
the oldest established, top secret, memebers only hedge und in new york"

yeah those were the days...
now were reduced to this, selling our collectible princess asses
little mermaid emeges from a sewer grate
spitting, gaggain

Ariel:
"that was paticularly noxious, i must say, but i do need the money"
Beauty:
"squidbert again?"
Ariel:
"worse, sponge bob and some crab wanted a tag team, heinous"
Beauty;
"EWWWWWWW"
Areil:
"but as i was washing the crab cum outta my hair i heard of a place...a special place, its an island in the medeterrainian sea, an island of great joy"

Big musical number about the isle of LESBOS

they rest of it writes itself
they struggle to reach the island and overcome obstacles and happily live ever after in the warm embrace of lesbianism.

science has determined that they must stop my fathers heart so that he can live longer?

im not a scientist, but it sounds whack

i knew my dad walked to the beat of his own drummer
why this rush to conformity, all of a sudden, at seventy three?
all of a sudden his heart has to sound the same as everyone elses?

dont let them scan your brain old man!

did the doctors get a new toy that they just had to try out?
the medical apparatus equivalent of a porsche...
......just sitting there

in walks DOCTOR GOD

"i will now stop your heart...and upon my command you will live again"

i guess whatever gets him laid
all the other docs looking enviously at dr god
women creaming in their panties....

which is why they will never test my blood
my brain
my juices
ill keep taking the little blood pressure pills for a while
until my body catches up with my mind and im a specimen again

and now i will shift tenses
i know he walks to the beat of his own drummer and will until monday
when they try to find him a more pleasing rhythm
four out of five doctors surveyed said they prefer regular heartbeats
claiming
im not frickking "House" here
im no genius
i dont need any deep thought here when im so close to perfecting my backswing
my swing coach says ill be three strokes better per nine now that my rhythm is aligned to tiger woods'

so what happens monday after the regularization of my paw
does he turn racist?
most in his neck of the woods are...
does he turn republican?

after dr god is done with him,
and resurrects him
do i have to call my dad jesus?

naw, he says, tousling my head...jesusdad will be fine

aw GEEZ DAD!

exactly.....

to get another tennis gig i had to be fingerprinted
to protect the spawn of millionaires from international terrorists and jewel thieves
they had to check with scotland yard and the FBI
i was having my usual flirty conversation to pass the time
she was responding in a friendly way but not really flirting back
had the edge between professional and fun perfectly defined
we were enjoying my silly assed comments and she almost but never completely flirted back
then the fun started
my hands were too dry so she had to put lotion on them
which started a little forest in my pants
especially since the topic we were discussing was how grown up kids were these days
theyre doing things that i thought were advanced when i was in college i said
they have to teach them in single sex classrooms she was saying
because they go so crazy
shes applying lotion digit by digit
they get so excited shes saying
i say they arent the only ones
a pretty girl holding my hand and all
she laughed and kept at it
i turned a little to the side so she could understand my situation better
it was as close to a date as ive had in a while
when she walked me out of the office i felt like she was my gal
we'd shared so much
i miss her