crazy dream about a pile of babies in a ravine
headless bodies, neatly stacked against the wall
like cord wood
when i add my own to the pile i tip it
its a mess
im sloppy that way
instead of throwing up for days and dying of dehydration we decapitated the babies
out of mercy for them
with a sharp knife its suprisingly easy
just get it between the vertabrae
thats the trick
in a postapocalyptic setting
infused with radiation
we delivered them to the great spirit in a calm and happy fashion
we spoke to the 3-10 year old group as we gutted them
some we just nicked the jugular
others the femoral artery
some wanted the traditional grown up way to daie and those we went
navel to ribcage on
dying with nobility
serene
instead of the other way

we are getting the band back together mannnnnn
montana is happening may 1st and 2nd
the legendary maggotfest
the rugby event of the year
i spent a wonderful night in missoula montana handcuffed to the buxomest thing on the planet
she thought it was funny when i lost the handcuff key
thought i was joking
i thought i was at first too
but then the keys were nowhere to be found
her tone got realy serious with me when she had to use the bathroom
i still couldnt find them so i suggested that i would stand in the shower with the curtain closed
she really had to pee
god i hope its just pee i thought to myself from behind the cartooned curtains
luckily it was
post flush
i stepped out of the tub and started to kiss her
bieng romantic i let her pull up her pants first
we were soon negotiating her shirt around the handcuffs and as it turns out theres no way to get a shirt completely off when you are handcuffed to a beautiful buxom blond
we started on the sink
i dont know anybody in their right mind who would willingly lay down on a rugby players bathroom floor
soon tho, we were not in our righy mind
contortionists of love we were
on that cramped bathroom floor
my knee kept hitting the cabinet door closed with a clunk that echoed hollowly in the cabinet itself
a natural drum
today on found percussive performances we are playing a bathroom cabinet door with a knee
the tune is the them from love story
this was recoreded live in missoula montana, circa 1989
note the rich woody tones of the oak, much deeper than a plywood
the drumming caught the ears of my rugby hosts who were soon saying NO wayyy dude and laughing outside the door for a minute until i growled at them to get the fuck away from the door
sleeping in handcuffs is a science
especially when your bed is a beanbag chair
if you put any weight at all on them they click to the next tightest setting
the next morning we called the police
luckily he was laughing
lucking she wasnt pressing charges for what these days would be called kidnapping
ahhh montana
the chief of police was laughing at how shitty my toy handcuffs were
he used a screwdriver to pry them open in a jiffy
i guess we werent trying hard enough to get out of them
this year i go back to the scene of the non-crime
with anyluck ill be met at the airport by me new family
he should be 19 by now
hope he has a job
but that wasnt even the most interesting story of the trip
that one involved a colostomy bag and the middle of a road
but i wasnt there for that one
so it will remain untold for now
until i get the facts straight....

because im so fucking clever im entering a period of frugality
my work is seasonal
this month is the month that im supposed to live on my nest egg
which was quite healthy a month ago
but the unthinkable happened
and instead of growing my nest egg with every poker outing
it shrank horribly

but i had the superbowl pool locked up

all i needed was for one out of four events to happen as i predicted
i was on fire
i was seven for eight
cruising
no way i was going to go o - fer - four
no way i could lose!

ill play poker again
the nest egg is covered by my football picking prowess
i can regain what i lost last week and be flush again

and then the unthinkable happened four times
the bird was no longer in my hand
and none seem anywhere near the bushes
red hot became artic
four nines say hi to four queens
kings full on the flop?
meet aces full on the river, runner runner
january was a very cold month

ive worked tight budgets before
i can live on 20 bucks a week and be loaded 4 days a week
the secret is cheap vodka
but im not that thirsty
so theres a savings there
so the next two months are nothing new
i can drink at my once a week daytime bartending job
and whatever i make will be my allowance that week
my living wages
no problemo

i will head to the electric people and humble myself with a small cash offering some signing and promising
they leave my
ill dance a little dance for the gas man
rent might be a real problem in april
this month is in the pipeline
in april i may have to see the man about it
mr loanshark
100 for 130
250 for 325
but ill need to float it til april ninth when the first big tennis check comes
and he may want more ursurious rates for the added time
we will sort it out
theres bound to be a few banquets in spring

i dig minimalism
it's easy to diet when you have no cash!
you never looked so good, you working out?
nope, starving
he he he he he

there are gasoline additives in the drinking water
pesticides on the crops
transfat in aunt jemima
thats right
aunt jemima is trying to kill you too
don't trust her
so many killers on the loose
its overwhelming if you look at the big picture
so you have to focus
like oj on his wifes killers
focus and pursue and catch the rat bastards
one rat bastards at a time
Aunt Jemima is KILLING ME
is what the sign will say
as i protest outside jemima headquarters
what i did on my summer vacation
i brought aunt jemima down to her knees with my clever protests
and while she was down there
heh heh
and then she
and then i
you'll have to subscribe to my pay per view blog site to read what i did to aunt jemima and what she did to me
im tired of giving it away for free like a sucker
i provide content baybee

heres a preview

........as she lay there, purring, jemima told me that there had never been another man in her life who had totally satisfied her in the way that i had, even Mr. Clean, who seemed like he knew his way around a clitoris, but, sadly, gave head like a gay man.
Then when she found that tube of anal lube in his bag, she knew, mr clean was "in the navy" the latest chic term for homosexuality coined duirng the vh1 where are they know village people special.
"Thats when i knew he was definitely in the navy" Jemima sighed "i knew he was too fine for me, thats why i loves you bakeowski, u ugly as shit and best be grateful for the tonnes and tonnes of lovin that i provide"
I laughed at her and grabbed the pitcher of pancake batter i had hidden earlier.
"patty cake patty cake" I chanted as i dribbled the batter upon her heaving ebon breasticles

to view the full story send one dolllar to this address
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murdering time
so im searching the net for the latest distraction
i find www.bukowski.net
thats not a total waste
and theres a philp dick novel somewhere...
killing time old school style with a book
which i cant find
rats
so im prowling and perusing
i see a pop up ad for
THE MOST ADDICTIVE FIRST PERSON SHOOTER EVER!
so much is wrong with this
where do i start
addiction as the sales point?
yeah
youve tried crack
youve kicked tobacco
booze is so 1975
try SNIPER BOY 2000
the fast paced all action game where you shoot shoot shoot for the hometeam
no boring story lines!
just exploding melons!
yeah

the fact that you are online at all is a warning sign
a warning sign that you are isolating yourself from the herd
from the other sheeps
from the other humans
and then to court your acompulsions like this
to further isolate the mark
to make his eyeballs burn and his brain hum
to electrically eff up his nervous system by electric overload
they make your brain hum in a new way
dancing to a new electrostatic tune

my brain hums at the frequency of burning coal
not just any coal
no sir
my brain hums at the precise frequency of clean coal harvested via mountaintop removal
thats when they blow the tops off the appalachias
and push the non coal rubble into the hollers and cricks
then they "artistically" shape the leftovers into new mountains with their bulldozers
new mountains with sandstone topsoil
the old topsoil is gone baby gone
they blowed that up already to get to the coal
so the top layer is a rock and pebble combo
lifeless like the surface of the moon
they spray paint it with a green paper mache mixture which contains grass seeds
that keeps the pilots from yakking
if its near a road theyll throw in a tree wall and make sure those trees get care

ahhh...progress
the mudslides are spectacular these days
biblical floodings
acts of god
the fact that there are no trees upstream has nothing to do with these natural occurences
just as natural as the recent rapid warming of the earth
that cancer could have been triggered by anything
global cancer
yeah
now i got to add hillbillies to my watchlist
along with the ring seals and narwhales
or i gotta stop watching public tv
dam liberal media are making me lose faith in the utility companies
they are our friends
we burned coal in our farmhouse for years
theres nothing clean about that nasty shit
silly humans