i signed up for a blood pressure study
425 bucks and free medication
the lady slipped the cuff on me and the machine did its thing
she thought the machine was busted
this piece of crap,
she said
that cant be right
hold on a minute hun
the second and third attempts yeilded the same numbers
so she did it by hand
sorry hun your pressure is too high for the study
you sure you dont feel dizzy?
blurred vision?
shortness of breath?
weakness?
numbness?
nope nope and nope nope nope
overqualified
like on my job hunts
i apply for a dishwahing position on line
at the ritz carlton
after asking about my criminal record
they ask about my schooling
they dont call back either
no one does
at least glaxo smith kline blew me off in person
the nurses used the phrase "walking time bomb"
so i guess that makes me a terrorist
all i gotta do is yell god is great and detonate
except this bomb would only hurt my family
so i guess ill go to the doctor for more chemicals
so i can live a long and productive life
long is covered
now to start producing
what can i produce?
hurt feelings
shocked silences
noxious gasses
vomit on demand
a mean omlette
kicking spanish rice (thanks aunt kitty!)
i can make large men go backwards with my scrummaging prowess
can make cats purr
dogs wag
i can make a crowd boo at a comedy club
i can make your girlfriend love me
i can make your wife hate me
i can make rugby players give me money at a card table
tick tick tick
so many accomplishments
such a vast potential
look out world
im done hibernating
better try to beat me down now, world
before i pick up some momentum
im close to unstoppable when focussed
yeah
shoot some more slings and arrows my way
i love outrageous fortune
tickles me
fuck you world im waking up
wallowing, while fun, is getting old
my brain has processed the poison
turned it into snot
another snot rocket whistles from my nose
my thoughts clear
the snot-fog less dense
and now its time to start dancing again
dancing to the beep of the blod prssure machine
beep
beep beep

a perfect morning
i wake up with beauty
in her blue undies and curves
she tells me i can sleep in
id rather help her with her beasts
at least im doing something useful
aiding the employed
dogs walked shes off and so am i
hood up
winter finally here
i cross the street to avoid a conversation with a really old friend
she will ask how im doing
i cant answer that right now
not in five minutes
there is a change on the horizon
something has to happen soon
i stop for bread in the italian market
sarcones
the best
crusty fresh and still a little warm from the oven
i like my hooded
like a druid i slowly meander home
thinking deep thoughts about the universe
a shaft of sunlight breaks through the clouds
i bask
god doesnt want me to work today
at home i take a short nap in the sun and read the second half a phenomenal novel
i go online, energized
i apply for implausible jobs
writing lesson plans for a christiona website sounds good
i tell them in the email that i worked with jesus' peoople in the inner city
except i capitalized his name
and who knows
they want a creative writer
i could do it
i end my email with have a blessed day
who knows
at least i tried today
and the sun is streaming through my window onto my chair in the middle of all my jade plants
it would be a crime not to take advantage of this moment
another glorious nap
the sun moves
nap over
choclate soy milk peanut butter and the bread complete a trifecta of goodness
in the book im reading the men go off to talk football
leaving the women to their plans
i decide to leave my cocoon and buy the paper to keep my sports up
i search for my cash
the 20 i had is nowhere to be found
i briefly panic
but its gone
the weight is off my shoulders
now i cant afford a haircut
to loook presentable to potential employers
i gotta let my freak flag fly now
let em try to hire this hillbilly looking brute
ha ha
now with no decisions life is easy
i know how to starve
i know how to rummage for change
i can find the best food bargains for a buck
and life is easy again
a perfect day comes to a close as i check in with the woman and drift off to sleep

i dreamt of anarchist women last night
in the not too distant future
the government was not very subtle bugging us
large directional microphones 2-3 feet of molded twin phallused plastic jutted thru the cielings of some rooms and would rotate towards any noise they heard
you could talk behind them, in a whisper
but then the mikes would rotate and point right at you until someone banged on the wall or down the stairs and they were clearly looking for someone
you could almost smell the vanloads of black clad pork
just waiting to try out the newest in crowd control techniques
we were doing important work tho
and adapted to the environment
they were trying to bust up our informal system of barter
where one person would do another person a favor just because thats how human beings should live
so the government tried a favor tax, which failed, and were working on a human kindness tax
someone told these anarchists that money wasnt important
and they were spreading the word
and that was a problem for their uncle named sam
these anarchists didnt have too many possessions or own property and their future was always uncertain, but whose isnt?
at what price does one gain security
how many years do you have to go perform your monkey tricks
dance monkey dance
the intelligent monkey tries to find somedance that doesnt leave his burps smelling like shita wise business sage once said
you all got to eat a little shit to get by
life is a shit sandwich
the more bread you have the less shit you have to eat
well im on atkins and i cant eat bread motherfucker
the shit is right therefuck that shit man
what if you are a monkey who needs some sort of security, like, say a house
and thats where the problems start
because then you are in the system
locatable
taxpaying
and you have to find a dance that doesnt sicken you
find that key rationalization as to why you are working
the spoonful of sugar that helps the shitmedicine go down
except im on sugar busters to man
sugar is the worst kind of carbs
man still its just shit you say i must eat
te make my way in the world
well i dont want that shit
that shit isnt my shit
my shit is fragrant
my shit is all natural
the shit they TRY to make you eat in this country is foul
the more i read about the governement, the less i want to give them money
every paycheck i receive sends more pennies to assholes with little humanity left in their withered husks
their bodes have been snatched by greed and power
they have no concept of plenty
they always want more
so they can win their dick measuring contest in their country club
look at me
look what i got
so there may be a way
there may be a way
and the thoughts are flowing positive today
the sun is out
its 70 on a sunny january afternoon in what used to be winter
yeah
i should plan for the future alright
mother nature is telling me to plan for the apocalype
so ill do some cardio today
ill lift some weights
so when the REAL SHIT comes down
the mother nature shit
i will be ready

percolating again
Right thoughts
zinging around my brain
or is the zinging from lack of sleep and too much computer exposure?
am i becoming an electrified being?
it will be fun to find out
but what, afterall,
is the brain but a mass of electric impulses and water?
and my brain is finally cooking with gas again
to wit
right living
right thoughts
all jostling with each other to escape out into the world to be ridiculed by the closed minded, hypnotized, bedazzled, pavlovian masses
their master rings a bell
they but a flat screen tv
ding a ling
pay your taxes, freedom isnt free
ding dong
they hate our freedom
its so easy to get distrated with all these bells ringin isnt it?
so easy to follow the first thought impulse
and the tv has thoughtfully broken their buy now messages up into digestable little bites, an hour and a half of little buy me now ideas between the twenty minutes or so of actual live game action in a game
the rest is just blather, instant replay and an ex jock telling you what you just saw
he dropped the ball
he ran fast
they are really dominating on the line of scrimmage today
thats one big man
and these big dominateing men are having a good year
and they live in your community
well some of them have an aprtment here during the season anyway
but they are sort of from your home town
and some of the more successful ones will sell you beers or cars or healthcare plans so you see them around
they are interested in the community
so they are sort of in your tribe
so you have to support your tribe
THEN THEY GOTCHA
so you buy a football jersey from your home team ON SALE this weeekend only
your favorite players name emblazoned on your back
you love his guts, his intensity his hustle
in a non homoerotic way of course
could a homo drink this much beer?
huh?
put some more meat on the fire baby
and go team go
no it doesnt bother me a bit that in high school my girlfriend wore my sports jacket proudly around the town in exchange for her sweet loving
this is different
this is a JERSEY for one
not a lettermans jacket
its way different
besides hes not the cutest memeber of the team anyway, thats the backup quarterback, hes so dishy!

whoosh
whats that?
its a military flyover
yeahooo

eww ess aayyy
eww ess ayy
aint irak over the other way?

why you buzzing the local sports stadium?
oh yeah its the playoffs baybee
the playoffs
i gotta watch them

but i may have to put my sports tribe behind me soon
give up my tribal sports identity
im going to miss my fellow cave men
ooga ooga
i cant watch it without being overwhelmed by the stink of money and everything nasty that comes along with obscene amouts of it
2.5 million to get your ad on during the superbowl
for 30 seconds
you buy your time on a per eyeball basis
the more people watching
the more money the networks make
should make for a close game one would think
the parity in the league will keep the game close
all the teams stink now because they the same amount to spend
in the interests of fairness
the market does the rest
accountants and lawyers figure out just how much an athlete is worth, plus thir markup, bonuses and incentives
the teams then send their accountants and lawyers and everyteam is the same
every team is flawed
GO ANYTEAM!
WOOHOO
there is only so much money, so much talent
and you have to trust that these fragile 300 pound humans can survive 30 weeks of collisions, steroids and the attention of the entire civilized world
its a job
a job that shortens your life span
fucks up your relationships
ome of the talking monkeys on the radio said 78 percent of all ex nfl players are broke or divorced four years out of the league
the machine needs alot of bodies for the cream to rise to the top
but it is a glorious specatacle
a glory of waste
and the bread and circuses isnt free anymore
GOTCHA AGAIN
and now the league has found a way to charge you for a small percentage of the games
throught the wonder of cable televisionand I CANT MISS A GAME
so i gotta buy the package
the package indeed
i gotta see the game, we could make the playooffs
we are good this year
i like to be good
im a winner too, by association
and fans of ANYTEAM will pay thru the nose to identify with their rich creamy winning athlete hero god lycra clad boyfriends
oohhh hes such a physical specimen
just havin his name on my back makes me far more manly than you
what
you cant afford the AUTHENTIc jersey 169.95?
get the replica 59.99
its not authentic tho
not the ACTUAL jersey worn by your man
of course his actual size XXXXL would look like a nightgown on you
but it is AUTHENTIC
they might even call you out of the audience to play
good thing you are dressed for it

tired of tofu and bean sprouts?
heres a recipe that is not only tasty but good for your mother earth as well
its a bitch planning a meal that does no harm
questions plague the sensitve soul at every meal
is this coffee shade grown and sustainably harvested by indigenous peoples?
or is it the OTHER kind
the EVIL coffee
were these bird free range or all roided up?
are there pesticides in my produce?
this rather easy meal is GREAT for the world in so many ways
first, you are actually eliminating toxins from the world with every serving of this meal
your shit ay stink a little more than usual, but thata a small price to pay
mother nature will thank you every time you and your family dine on this earth friendly meal
by eating you make the world a better place
this meal serve about twenty people
you will need two machetes
ginger
wasabi
a bottle of lighter fluid
and a jack
gather your group of twenty in the underbrush out of sight at a stop sign in the suburbs somewhere
wait for a humvee to come by
you wont have to wait long
when it comes to a complete stop the prettiest one of your dining party should pop out of the bushes and engage the driver in conversation
use your imagination
while the pretty one distracts the driver another should sneak out with the jack and put it under the rear of the car and jack it off the ground
the pretty one can pretend its an earthquake so the driver doesnt get suspicious
once its off the ground and immobile
douse the tires only with lighter fluid and light
the burning tires will give the meat a delicious smoky petroleumy flavor
at some point the yuppie might try to get out of the barbeque
this is where the machetes come into play
weilding the machete and yelling "who wants SUSHI?"
should save at least half of your good meat
and yuppie sushi is so good
the secret is that yuppies can afford to eat at fresh fields and buy all the uncontaminated food
you can really taste the difference in yuppie flsh
no transfats ever
and not only are you taking a humvee off the road with this recipe
you are also removing the asshole that bought it
someone who thinks driving one is just fine
someone so numb to reality that you are actually doing them a favor while enjoying their flavour
BON APETIT!

why be so melodramatic?
you used to be funky fantastic
now all i hear is static
when im busy being me

ill do the heavy lifteeng
bad things,
i will try to eclipse deem,
but sometimes the dark thoughts they loom
and i am not
the me i want to be

you are change
you are desire
my asbestos gone i feel your fire
i like it hot
i like to sweat
but my best you have not seen as yet

give me a chance or cut me loose
i wish it mattered to me, your caboose
ill follow your love engine
over the cliff
or wonder why i was unhitched mid trip

sitting patiently on an unused track
wondering will you ever come back

drunk driving is only illegal if you meet a cop
MILLIONS do this every day
cops dont dig it because of what you might do
if we are to be locked up for what we MIGHT do
id be rotting in jail
they should make special cars for people with this problem
with inflatable bumpers
and robot controls
nah
put them in jail
for helping the economy
everyone wants to sell you booze
try watching footbal without getting really thirsty
every motherfucker in the world will sell you the shit
but try to drink it sometime
then they hate you
for being patriotic
for supporting the economy
for believing that drinking makes you cool and solves all of your problems
so you go to jail for being a BELIEVER
thats why flava flav says
dont believe the hype

so the governemet has created another nazi
or at least a recruit for the ARAYAN brotherhood
my brother will be a good, albeit, very sensitive NAZI
THANKS PIGS!

yeah
alcoholism is a disease
yeah
lock up the sick
yeah
how bout locking up the sick fucks who sell guns to people
406 dead on philly streets this year
just off the record of 418
got to finish stronger philly thugs
1982 had better killers than we do
where is your sense of history
take those GUNROIDS
bust the record books open
lock up the sick fucks who are getting rich making bullets for iraq
lock up the sick fucks who drive SUVS and kill the polar bears
or the sick fucks who sell gas
or any asshole ceo in the banking or insurance industries
nah
we will lock up the sick fuck because he might hurt someone someday
with the DUI and all
but statistics say he wont
hes ten for ten in not hurting others in dui accidents
except that time he almost killed his woman
when he put the car under the parked tractor trailer
and almost died
of course i hear about that when im tripping my balls off
three states away
when im ran away from home
dropped out of college
and did rugby and tended bar
the mushrooms were just kicking in
id had to catch my vomit in my throat
as they were very tickly tickly
the bartender
a rugby player too
yells over the bar
the bartender got a call
i say WHUUUUUU?
the bartender tells me about the jaws of life, etc
but my face is melting
the mirror confirms this
i can see the bones of my eye and cheek
angry red flesh
angry at being exposed to the air, dances
so with the dancinf/melting flesh i try to compose myself a bit
i send him some karmic vibes and try to ride it out
at least im shielded from worry by the fungus
ill deal with reality in the daytime
the nite is made for cosmic journeys
and mine has just started