my fingers lovingly caress the leather finish
gently stroking the metal fittings
like nipples
brushing with the tips of my fingers
the combination dial

but i stop myself from opening the case

within it
madness

i want
so badly
to open the case
cauterize the world with its nuclear payload
turn the key
await verification from the pentagon
but the pentagon is down
the whole defense department was taken out when she did her yoga climb up my back

a mere defenseless puppy
what kind of person tortures a puppy?
well this puppy is packing nukes
but declining to give the authorization code

so
love ghandi that i am
i fade into the background of her life
no bridges burning
no napalm madness
adult romance

a dolt romance

puppies age faster than people
im almost all grown up now
i try not to hurt myself more than neccessary
why tilt at windmills?
why seek paradise?
why chase the ball when shes not throwing it?

only faking you out

laughing at the stupid dog

its a sham
its a mirage
its a hacky screenplay trick
invented to sell soap

brief moments of happiness are available
so ill plan to enjoy them as they arise
and stop thinking about the future
zen it out
make the most of moments
of whatever kind they may be

like the moment you realize it's over

man
what a rush

the genius finally listens to her skipping record
and hears the lyrics

it sinks in like bad advertising

ill try it without the fire this time
instead of flames
instead i lift my leg
mark my territory
warn the next puppy
move on to the next bridge to paradise

bridges of paradise county

most of them have been reduced to rubble or ash
im leaving this one up
shes still got some potential
we may yet produce the musical version

"bridges of paradise county"
where we find the bastard sons that clint eastwood sired
in the madison county bridge movie
that he was a major player and the basketball and football teams are filled with rangy bucks who look like clint did when he was doing the boxing movies and working out right up until the director said action
so his muscles are rippling and brutal
both teams go to state championships
he makes it to the baseketball dinner
they all turn out to be fags cuz they were brought up by their mothers
they pay him back by taking him captive
tied up in a chair in a backroom somewhere
waiting for zed
the kids have a gay gang initiation rite planned for old clint

>>>>SETTING>>>>>theyve recreated the set in pulp fiction where bruce willis is lucky to be the second choice for the sodomy party

clint looks over at the other chair
in it is hulk hogan
he also was doing some nasty pimping back about 16-18 years ago
half of the gay mafia out there drinking and celebrating are his progeny

>>>>>clint eatwood turns to the hulkster

CLINT
do you think they mean to.......uhhh....?

HULK HOGAN
dude that would be harsh

CLINT
more of them look like you than me, they should start with you

HULK HOGAN
my hands are almost free, you're on your own

CLINT
you cant do that to me man

HULK HOGAN
can and will, my hands are free, ill just untie my feet and...

CLINT
you cant do this to me man

HULK HOGAN
what im doing is buying myself some time, you can beat them up, theyre fags

CLINT
thats such a stereotype man, im surprised at you, you spent so much time at that glam show heaven for raging homosexuality, pro wrestling, that i thought you'd be more open minded about things, sheesh, WWF is known by all to stand for Weally Weally Faggy, geez, man, i respect your right to chose your partners as long as you respect my right to not choose you as a partner, whats wrong with you man, you cant really have changed that much, you were once a gay crusader for justice

clint eastwood takes the role in this film because of that big gay rights speech, he wants everyone to love him so he can finally get that oscar, he feels this speech will "push the stools in" of the gay academy award voters who feel he was horribly mean to gays in his dirty harry movies filmed in san francisco
Gays who didnt understand that famous anti gay tirades in those movies were in the script
not ad-libbed
as reported by a hollywood reporter with an axe to grind against clint and a publisher
hes spent his life trying to get that gay bashing monkey off his back
and thinks this is the perfect vehicle for it

the scribbler hits "publish post"

grabs another bud

twists another

awful late to be waiting for philadelphias least reliable bus route
i think
as i spot her at the busstop

after 12
its a crap shoot
it was one-ish
she was in for a long long night

then a miracle happens........

she calls out
"i wish i felt like you do"
as i walk/stagger by

hmmmmm..........

i make a slow, wide, sweeping turn
all police surveillance like

because running up like a puppy would startle her

i wow her with my ninja-like bus expertise
she starts giving me details
plausible details that explain her existence here at a streetcorer in the middle of the night

her eyes seem clear
more details are forthcoming

then comes the inevitable touch for money
her story is startling in its unoriginality
cab fare
hospital
sick kid
she only came back to change clothes
and head right back to the hospital
90 % sure its bullshit i wind up giving her the eleven dollars in my pocket
there are 2 or three interesting aspects of her yarn
as a fan of creative writing i throw her my gambliung winnings from tyhe night
all eleven dollars
i expect a quick goodbye
she keeps selling
im surprised when she keeps selling after i told her that was all my cash
fuck it, take it
if your story is true
then im glad to help a mommy in crisis

thats what i do

i see a lonely mommy
and help her with heavy things
like my blood engorged meat hammer
need some carpentry done mommy?
need something nailed to a matress?
like that big round ass for instance?
she thinks she needs a few more bucks
and gives me her address, pointing the right way
she needs a few more so the cab driver will not cause too much of a fuss when she underpays him
shes had trouble with them before
intriguing grift
i need a grifter chick
she lives close by
so i tell her i gotta few buks in change maybe
but since i live on the third floor
shell have to come on up to my swanky digs
she agrees without fear
a fearless grifter junquie for sure
she doesnt like the men she meets in aa she confided earlier
also in the market for someone to come by and fuck her
startlingly honest
i guess we bonded quickly
or she has caught the whiff of napalm on my heart
just enough to know its been recently burnt
fresh from the oven
at its tasty best
see
they tag team you
these harpies
each getting their cruelty on for as long as you can stand it
then setting you free
with a naplam lined smoking crater in your chest
for the finishers
the ones that try to push you that last inch over the edge
so their brood at the bottom of the chasm can feed on your tasty flesh

but enough of love

i was talking about the distressed godess i met last night
and how i helped her in her time of crisis
she stopped me at the door and said wait aminute you dont know jimmy do you
i said no
jimmy was the junkie who lived in the basement i think
so she knows jimmy
we get up to the pad and she sees all the empties and says you like to drink huh?
typical guys place
i come out of my room with the change
shes on the recliner
the tv god chair
and i start thinking of hot nasty chair sex
of grabbing
and fondling
the painter slams his bedroom door shut
then i think
in her time of need
does she really want me to drop tro
put it in her face and let the rocking motion of the chair do the work?
i mean
after we figure out the best place for me to stand, that is
be scientific about it to maximize our experience

i then think
what if this isnt a grift?
if shes a genuine mommy in crisis
what then?
does she really need my cock in her face right now, as the crisis is relaxing yet still a very tense thing for her?
so i simply hand her the quarters
and shes now giving me her number and address again
inviting me over for a nice homecooked italian meal
this is all kindsa twisted up

confused
i accept a kiss on the cheek and have a very restful slumber

so much shit to filter
as adeptly as you avoid the chunks on the sidewalk as you walk
(i havent stepped in dogshit for nine years now)
you cant see all of it
it comes from every direction

so you gotta get your mushroom on
get your mushroom on

in a shit fuelled world
get your shroom on
get your shroom on

bounce wit me baybee
get your shroom on
i got a mushroom in my pocket
you can zoom on
zooming away
to ecstacy
you
the mushroom in my pocket and me
hes a nice fat shroom
he seeks your womb
be nice to him
and real real soon
you'll be a member of my mushroom club
all because you gave him a rub

someone find me a rap name
im ready to take over the world
one club banging anthem at a time
knawmeen?

so my amazingly talented friend was the MC at a show for first person arts
first person arts is one of the competing word mafias here in the city
in this event they give you five minutes and a topic
then they draw names out of a hat
and a good time is had by all
this weeks topic was cohabitation
i was primed
doomed cohabitation is my specialty
i got there early because it gets crowded
my ex lovely found the next available best seats in the house and ordered up some cocktails
we interacted with our tablemates
they who ordered steak
saying
you gotta problem with that?
i said im vegan
he said so what
and a good chuckle was enjoyed by many

i saw our hosts
and went over to pay my respects
when you are at a word mafia function
you must show da proper respect
capiche'?

the lovely hostess headed to the restroom and i followed
the boys room was closed
and i decided to post up there
even though i knew she was fixing her face and nervous
it took a few

i finally get in annd do some business and hit my little wooden box of magic a few times
leaning out the window to exhale
enjoying the very fine juicy fruit
perfection was approaching
i had a few clever phrases about cohabitation percolating in my brain
if they called my name i was ready
if my ex lover kissed me i was ready
magic should be ensuing soon
i get back to may table and my chair has been pushed towrds the stage to make room for another
it was cramped before
but now over cramped
being as there was a spreadeagled six two balding hippie wanna be there with his blonde wife on his lap
it was eight grade all over again
me and rhonda schaeffer in the hallways between classes
me grinding for more room
forcing her legs apart
in puppy love and rubbing against things that felt oh so good

at fifty seven i hope i find someone to grind
im not hating on that

im hating on it happening two inches from my chair
as if i am the next link in thier next aging swinger video
coming to a porn store near you
see what happens when two wrinkled dirtbags violate your personal space at a club

it was beyond rude
kinda puky even
i was way beyond skeeved
but this was a word mafia function
and im a diplomat
i know the hosts and love them
the proper response was thus unavailable to me

i tried tact

i stood behind my chair
way too close to the love connection
i reached over my chair and said
howd my beer get way down here?
no response

my ex-chick says heres your seat here
indicating one stool away from the wall
in the aging hippies business
not my original seat
i m old school
always sit with your back to the wall
never mix your whiskey with anything but water
and never play poker with anyone named after a city or called "doc"

he was even older school and not budging
my ex chiquita
wonders why i wont sit in their lap
i say
loudly this time
its ok ILL JUST STAND
and i lean against the wall sipping my beer

ex-broad wants me to sit down and is agitated for her own reasons with these two
her interactions also less than positive
as she fought them for what was left of our seating
after i had the audacity to go potty
she asks why i dont sit and i say i dont like people that close behind me
maybe they were deaf
i dont know
odd choice of entertainment for a deaf couple
she offers her seat
which would put her in the porno
and i decline and leave before i forget my manners
i find a nice seat on the stage where i can still sort of spend time with my ex
visual time is better than none at all i reason
so i miss out on some chit chat
its still better than being bronwyn-less for the evening
i also can shoot some meaningful glares over her shoulder at the love clowns behind her
yeah
its all working out but the words in my head are changing from playful and clever to angry vindictive prose
my cute cohabitational stories dance away from the front of my mind
now cohabitation is conditioning
you are your parents when you move in together
you take their lessons with you
and if your parents are the kind of rich fuck assholes who come to shows late and take peoples seats then i could never love a bitch like you
poor home training pure and simple
my editing and anger are interrupted by a familiar face
is jess coming by asks the familiar faced stranger?
she called me, but they couldnt park and decided to bag it i reply
he shakes my hand somewhere along the way and hes some dude from the fictionslam
he asks if im performing
i say yeas and speak to the evolving thoughts in my head
how my cute stories were turning to an indictment
an indictment of the entitled
that i was gonna stick it to the man
skewer the entitled fuck
that i was serving papers on rich fuck asshole douchebag entitled rude motherfuckers instead of punching someone in the mouth
like i should
and could
and have in the past done
that im civilized
oh so civilized
im growing into a citizen and shit

and he says who?

i describe the wardrobe and point
he tells me to chill that out
thats his mom and her second husband
i say well
you will understand why i cant ever fuck you now
it would never work out
with our alien upbringings
his folks worldview being poison to my species and all
then i apologized for what i was going to say about his mom onstage
and he said whatever dude
and left quickly

the hostess wonders about my seating just before the show and i give her a broad view
my exgal pal adds her details to the story
about their constant plotting for my seat in my absense
asking her over and over about my seat
seat vultures she called them
so shes seething
im seething
the show begins
im liking the light tones of the stories
but troubled by the audience reaction
the looks on their faces
the expectation of entertainment
their demand for it
and im less and less inclined to do any entertaining of anyone this evening

im not a jester

im not putting on a little show
so THEY can comment on the angry dude
on the way home in their beemer
did he mean us honey?
no that was some other rude entitled rich fuck douchebags sweetums
we are in the sierra club
we recycle
he musta meant someone else

love blinders
cheerfully applied
she asks now
that i take them off
for my own good
smashing my rosecolored glasses as she races for the door
she doesnt want to be responsible for my pain
it was love,
love happens,
gives her PATENTED LOVE SHRUG
what do you want me to do
i love you both
she cant be held responsible
its a management decision
shes just a clerk
management has told her that love lasts forever
and discussed the morals clause with her extensively
what do you want me to do
im a highly moral person
funny
my anarchist lover is also the standard bearer for morality
in her personal life
a morality taught for centuries by oppressors she will fight at any time
on any corner
on any barstool in her public persona
as the last great philadelphia anarchist
THAT oppression she will fight
but personal oppression
she shrugs
what do you want me to do

i wanted her to come upstairs with me and resume our beautiful physical conversation
the one we'd been having
the one men and women have been having forever
that stress reducer
that fuzzy next day feeling
when you remember that sigh
or that spot
right there
right there
i cant even hear that phrase without welling up
you'd be surprised how often it comes up during the course of a day
as much as you want to avoid it
as much as it shreds your soul to hear those words

the special words
the words that start a thousand pictures in your mind
the ones that start up the violin music
cue titles
the end

i know im supposed to move on
but im a love retard
in my own world
rocking my head back and forth to my own internal mental soundtrack
dont even smile at a love retard like myself
we dont know how to take it
we cant tell the difference between polite and flirtaceous
love retards dont know when its over
love retards are blind to the facts by their hope
hopefully his liver will fail and after a short period of grieving our love will get back on track
hopefully he'll get arrested for not paying child support
go to jail
his liver will fail and after a short period of bereavement i will again be her knight in shining armor because i was so sensitive at the funeral
so solid and manly in my gay colored clothing
and the wake
where i rocked the house with my karoke stylings
singing all the songs he loved so much
hey bartender
love on the rocks
rehab

and when i altered the lyrics in my special way
she rediscovered her love for me at the wake

"she tried to ditch her ex/love retard
i said no no no
but my baybee came back, you gotta hit da tracks
i said no no no

i will buy the wine,
and if you wanna drop by, fine

she tried to ditch her ex-love/retard
i won't go no no"

dance floor domination

My young Cuban partner and I tore that mofo up,
dancing fools
Often the only ones out there
using the space well
Working it
She asked me to buy her a shot
I handed her my silver flask and directed her to the restroom
She called me a cheap bastard
I took it as a compliment
Hands above her head and spinning
her flat belly taunted me with its lithe gyrations
But shes done with her middle aged chunky dude phase
Shes moving on to dumb but pretty skinny half a fags
I told her that it was ok because im neither middle aged nor chunky
Ive still got my hottie mindset
And I once was quite the package
So that’s how I relate
In my own little dream world of what once was
And not be stuck in the cycle of neediness that so characterized my younger chubbier days
These days the flab is muscle at rest
There are slumbering pecs beneath my man boobs
My delts are crying out for me to lift heavier things at work
Or even join a gym
Which I may do
What the fuck
Then, with a body again resembling athletic I will be faced with the choice of destroying the temple with more rugby
Or being wiser this time
It’s a real shame that the only reason that I lifted a single weight or ran a single step was in order to kick someones ass more effectively on the rugby field
My first real season at Kutztown I had a pear shape and played b side
I spent the summer running
Wound up with a flat stomach and wheels for days and soon was running around like a maniac on the a side in search of ever more violent collisions
I became cocky and found I liked to swagger
Still knowing that at heart I was a tub of goo
But in a shiny new body
Chicks dug me
They still do
So it is with fondness that I let the coltish cubano hottie count me out
She only thinks that she will continue to find me resistible
Now that my dance game is back
And my flirt game is on
Its just a matter of time before another hottie makes the discovery that im a wonderful person who it would be a lot of fun to fuck forever
The fun part is me trying to hang on to her, once discovered
Im working on my grip strength
Look out hotties,
this is your only warning
I am harmful or fatal if swallowed

i dont kill time anymore
i slaughter it
its a massacre
jellyfish have more motivation than i do
ive been hiding out in a poorly run warehouse for eight months now
all the better to have a solid work reference MASSAH
under the radar
no exposure to life
laboring in anonimit
where i once was laboring under the impreession that i was the man
the man in the school
the big man in the corner room
the big man on the rugby field
now im just a grunt
a shrug
a non-entity
another drunk
i dont mind being a drone
just leave the drone alone

a laundry pile the size of a sofa in one corner
closet floor filled to mid thigh
not a stitch of undies or anything resembling clean i had to purchase clothing on friday night for the saturday blacklandlord show
saturday is a rugby day
my olde team played in baltimore on sat so there was no weigh i was gonna either miss either fine show
i guess im mostly a spectator now
after years of being the main attraction
now im a cheerleader
go team go
well, a cheerleader with mean dance moves
which i broke out at the black landlord show
to the delight of the lesbians i shared the floor with
im a nimble hippopotamus
a water horse
us hippopotami are very graceful in the water
and i was so well lubricated that it felt like i was in my river and all was well in the world

i left work early friday with every intention of doing laundry and watching venus play
but my email suggested i should stop by oneals pub and watch the opening game of the rugby world cup in which argentina beat france in the opener in france
big time stuff there
one beer led to another and i didnt make the laundromat, but i did catch marshalls right before they closed and bought some fly dancing threads and was set for some grooving

the game was exciting and there was always a beer in my hand and sunlight beating down on me as i made my debut as sideline camera dude
its hard to watch and focus and zoom and i was quite thankful when the camera told me the battery was dead
time for my patented booming voiced harrassment/encouragement
i like to mix it up
whne our tiny guy derailed their biggest ox
'ox fully expecting to run our tiny guy over
i let them both know
alternating praise and scorn to the delight of many

the sun took its toll
i slept on the way back to philly to rest up for the big show
washed up
and was on the way to the show
meeting up with my lesbian posse for a quick attitude adjustment and herbal remedies,
i had the horrible news that my 22 year olde dance partner was already drunk and not making this event
saddened, i hit the joint harder
and we made our way to the club
a carvernous place on the outskirts of chinatowne
the dancefloor loomed
there was a friggin discoball
and the show was hours late starting
the opening act was a seven girl, two guy dance troupe
they tried to entertain
their harvey fierstein-esque emcee kept introducing duo after solo after trio
it was a "fringe festival" thing
the emcee told us to have fun
i started heckling
booming again at every silent moment

bird cage
i love you harvey
hey harvey
yo harvey fierstein
the show was getting interesting to me

perhaps because his dancers were gay he had to do an explanation from the stage
im Not harvey fierstien
im a burly heterosexual
and the lesbian possee, haze and myself cracked the fuck up
mercifully it ended
and the band came on
they rocked the house
sweat was abundant
the walk home did not sober me up in the slightest
and i was up at the crack of noon
no more laundry avoidance
off to the landromat
and it hit me
in the anus
like a nail
a persistent nail
it felt like gas
\but id been fooled badly before
so, unrustingly, i waited to fart
the nail was persistent
throbbing a bit
please fart me hary
its just bad gas
im not a gob of syrupy non stool feces
im justa fart
fart me
the pain began
part of it due to the face that the public restroom in the laundromat was heinous in it own way
the one at the bar across th street ten times worse
and my apartment ten blocks away
ITS GONNA BLOW!!!
screamed the texas wildcat oil men who streamed from my drawers after hearing the tell tale rumblings
i tight assed it to the restrrom at the laundromat
sat on the seat with my shorts on and wiggled to sanitize the seat
dropped tro asat my ever so sweaty ass on the seat hoping the sweat was more evil than the diseases of the seat
BLAMMO
i was done
it wasnt a fart at all
it was a bowl full of steamy pudding
i got up satisfied and looked around for the shit paper
and looked some more
then i looked at the sink
wet my hands
and cleaned up the caveman way

ironically at teh card game later in the evening a local wit opined that i looked like the caveman in the insurance commercial due to my full rangy beard
i sure smelled like one
ill be a caveman all the time if the local fellas are gona keep playing cards like they are retarded
i was up 800 at one point
and stinking like a goat
people thought it was a fart whenever i opened mylegs
i kept them closed
dumped back 200 or so back into the game so they thought i sucked at poker a little to and walked home with an extra 450 in my pnats along with that heinous smell

and thats why i am tired on monday mornings at work

trying my hardest

supporting

positive

in the face of intolerable conditionns

the kind thomas paine wrote about

i explain my work conditions

she seems to think im a martyr

her love conditions

are an eerie parrallel

where she is the willing victim

to needy men

who arent as evolved as her



she SEEMS to take the side of the oppressed at every chance

i, the oppressor

with my thoughts

with my privelege

she is as full of shit and confused as i

unwilling to make the future move

self-described as olde

set in her ways

wants the comfort of a dude she understands

wants the easy way

who am i to challenge her?

who am i to assert my feelings?



the OLD feelings are the real ones

the establishment position



she was the radical



loving the loser alcoholic

WHO IS SO MUCH MORE

offers so much more

is her soul mateso how can i love one whose soul mate is a loser?

i dont know

i guess im just an amazing dude

without being patronizing

a dude who believes in love

in principle

trying to live with principles

like my word means something

like the words i say mean something



i would never tell a dude i was happy my girl

CHOSE SOMEONE LIKE HIM

im him

im the dude

as she lisens'in terror in the kitchen

he cedes his love interests

she listens

unshocked



low self esteem?

crisis avoidance?

how does she talk to a dude who gives her away

however that goes down

however wrong in principle to own another human

she lets it go



sheknows he's lying

thats his best skill

what she loves about him

he speaks to her of impossibilities

and shes enthralled

giving him yet another last chance

loving his pathetic, endearing nature

hoping against reason that he might be right just once

because his lies sound so sweet



so i guess i have to up my lie game

if thats her true love

ill try to be fantastically unreliable

and ill take classes in pathetic

if thats what gets her there

i want to please my woman

i want her to not want to live without me

but what can i do

hes got history

my post twin towers love styles

are just another complication to her
its easier to be loyal to the abuser

what can i offer?

peace?

possibility?

maybe his potential is sooo much more



hes the better pick

more upside



i hate the world right now

for making me love her

but i cant stop

im an addict

yeah

a love addict

i just want a little bit more

a teensy bit stronger dose

i just want her to champion me once

instead of trying to tell me that i am part of the crowd

no more human than any

not at all special

just another dude

is it any wonder that i love her

her complete lack of admiration for me?

her earnest hope that i find hapiness

after HER decision has been made

her and her mom figured it all out

i didnt need to give input

an afterthought

but my afterthought loving game is strong

i love her

after thought

after deep thought

and i cant be anything else than the loser i am right now

pining

wishing

hoping

half a fag

i wish she liked semi-homos like myself



but



im a better person for being exposed to her

someone is going to get a great boyfrined soon

i just wanted to give her the first crack

for all her hard work

reforming my mysogeny

amping up my love jones

thanks then

and goodbye

and fuck you for not believing in me

just for a little while

and seeing what wonders would occur

back online at my domicile
was taught a valuable lesson in phone company solidarity and in personal responsibility
theoretically, tho, with this laptop, i can now browse free justabout anywhere
no more digital divide for me
except this thing is so godddamned heavy
about a case of beer in weight
the glass from the monitor
the lead in the components
i guess its about all the extra weight i lost so its a good reminder
no excuses now for a lack of production, wordwise
time to up the ante and dazzle the world with my productivity
all i need is a topic
fuck!
gotta meat the woamn
who wants me to be happy
and her company does that
so
ill try to forget about the roomate
and soldier on in a just cause

my computer has been offline so much that ive been pen and papering things again which is weird
the few times i do find myself infront of a computer i am either too drunk to produce purposeful prose
or blocked
or pining for my lost love
which i think makes my blog worse
cuz the more i confront my heart
the bigger a pussy i seem to be

but every now and then i manage to string a few sentences together
just see how full of shit i am in this recent email to the woman i love

the woman who , mid love affair with me, let her exboyfriend
her emotionally abusive , recovering alchoholic boyfriend loser move back IN with her because he "has no where to go"

SEE the incredibly hilarious results in this weeks episode of

"dorky retired retarded rugby god in love"

americas latest underground hit

so, with your permission we will try dinner tuesday night again with no kissing andsee how painful that is
how can you be sure the triangle would not besatisfying?
life is a collection of momentsa series of events
events that can be beautiful or tiresome
i know i am in the presence of beauty when i sup withyou
i'd love to sup with you on a regular basis
i CAN behave
i just didnt want to because i hadnt seen you in solong and i missed you in the fiercest possible way
how fierce?
im not sure you want to know what i did to myself in apatch of darkness on the way home thinking about you
i am man enough to behave
and ill demonstrate that manly retraint next tuesdayat the same time if given a chance
i will also endeavor to keep the entendres to a
minimum
im going to pretend im froggy
and i come a'courtin
and its the 1850's and i must be a proper gentleman
my grandfather courted my grandmother for SIX YEARSi
t's in my genetic makeup to be patient for the womani love
who at last reckoning
was you
as terrible as you think you are its alot better than
not having any beauty in my life
ill take a potshard of magnificence
and hopefully will dig up another spectacular specimensoon
i'm not a quitter
im a believer
and i believe it doesnt do any justice to the word
love
if i quit on it as soon as the going gets alittle choppy
your eyes told me all i needed to know when they lit up and were all sparkly and alive when we were in close proximity talking and relating and loving each others company
i have been in such an incredible mood this week
which
i attributre to seeing you and lake michigant
wo natural wonderstwo lakes i could easily spend my life in and
parenthetically would not mind drowning in
i know the taste and texture of spiritual/physical life long loving
i have had excellent tutors in my parents
people who do not give up on their however difficult partner
and pussy that i was
i gave up on two fantastic women already
because i let my hurt and pride fuck with my head
i can take a beating
please beat me some more
is that all you got?
screams the man lashed to the mast
in the middle of the hurricane,
not as tom hanks did in that shittymovie in the dome
as VISIGOTHS did
you claim to love a visigoth
a self described latter-day rugby visigoth
so dont be surprised when i am as persistent as a visigoth
when i sack your city
and by sack you city i mean respectfully date you
and
spend time with one who lights me up like a pinballmachine
i will be a perfect gentleman on tuesday at the usualplace at the usual time
and lets just leave it at that
the fringe would feel like a date to me and i couldnot promise "best behavior"
the country is beautiful
i wish you were here
down by the creekwith a blanket