waiting for my muse in a dark alley with an aluminum bat

unedited pure neanderthal musings NeANDERThallus's DONut EDiT!!! historical records from my cave walls... brutality, menial labor, minor victories, hot sexy interludes....... 3 years on the edges of a society that i cant distance myself enough from

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since 2005 i've been picking at this keyboard. the thoughtstreams flow, who knows from whence they came, or to whence they go? enjoy the ride...... i am

Sunday, May 27, 2007

im notsomuch a writer
more a transcriber of whatever is going thru my mind at the time
writers edit
writers craft
i go with the flow
following the wordstream
following the thoughtstreams
catching a current or two
floating as is my wont
effortless prose
or i wouldnt be involved
yeahhhh
the worlds laziest writer
waiting for a vibe or a mood
something or someone
to nudge me keyward
because writing is WORK
and i aint no volunteer
ill write when i have to
when the muse holds a bludheon up
menacing me
with a cudgel
then i write

Saturday, May 26, 2007

the oldest farmer in the valley
been here since '38
runs three greenhouses
grafts fancy trees
keeps moving while the sun is in the sky
a perpetual slow motion machine
passed a kidney stone tweleve years ago that had a jagged edge to it
it sliced his ureter
the tube from the kidney to the bladder
sliced it wide open so he was carrying urine around in his belly
had to wear a pee bag for six months
while the doctors told him they thought it would heal itself
it didnt
so they had to slice him open and put some bladder tissue there and now hes fine
apparently the pain is exquisite
and the tube is long and curly
sleeping doesnt happen
a true penn dutch stoic
a hero to stoics everywhere
he was at the dinner table when the first one passed
the look of relief on his face was palpable when the first stone dropped into his bladder with a splash
the pain was gone and he went to the bathroom and peed in a filter and caught the cherrystone sized nugget
they had company over but it was the kind of company that you could show the nugget around the dinner table and no one was embarrassment
the third stone is getting zapped
it came up on an ultrasound
and the zapping is outpatient surgery
and like they have to take the docs word that they saw another one
theyll also have to take the docs word that it is now zapped
they have twoo herds of beef cows that live a very nice life until they are two
tasty grass galore all day
some grain at nite
young teenager cows
jumpy if you move too quickly
but wanting to lick the salt off your hands with their two foot raspy toungues
curious huge deep brown eyes
remind me of a girl i used to date
the same look of contentment there
the same ignorance of impending doom
i let the beef cows lick my arm a bit
to give back to the food chain
cow mucus mixed with half chewed grass from my hands to my elbows
i wonder if these cows have a taste for human flesh as they open their mouths wide to tounge all that delicious salt off my arm
some woman from finland with a plane in her basement brings by her also heavily accented friend for the fresh asparagas
they got here too late today and are saddened
the old man wanted to put a few more rows in
but lloyd didnt get to it
and it always seems like the first asparagas cutomer of the day buys the lot of it
the finnish women are mollified when they get the tour of the fish pond
his father sold all the trees to the conference center down the road when the road was dirt
they keep widening the road
and the trees get closer and closer to the pavement
a row on each side
the grandkids are cutting down a bamboo pole to go fishing
what year is this?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

ill stop by the happy hour
for ahalf gallon of beer
when the job gets me down
2 bucks a pint
good local fresh brew
and the hassles fade away
hassles
and then they got into a great big hassle
cmon take the money and run

Sunday, May 13, 2007

wanted to show some south philly bar life to dude i work with
he drove me home
id add the flavor to his life
stopped in the friendly lounge
its going to be on some list in esquire this month
it was in the paper recently
as a dive
a famous dive
he was chatting about the places history with us
and the newspaper article
and seemed to be very interested in my friend
looking carefully around i noticed only dudes
which is not uncommon at six on a friday
but on third and fourth glance the owner seemed very well kept
as if he exfoliated
and he did say the only "special" in the place was him
youre looking at the special, sweetie
his eyes had that "lively" look
and he wouldnt stop with the banter with the dude i went in with

i wasnt jealous mind you

but there were other clues
if friendly is a similar word to happy
and happy means the same as a bundles of sticks
or english slang for cigarette
it started to sound about right
im glad i made it clear which side of the boat i was on
when the talk was of florida
and the manatee river
the bartender said the sailors used to have sex with them after a long time at sea
and mentioned "anything thats soft and warm i guess"
after all that time at sea
i could hear the village people in the background
on the jukebox
in the navy
in the navy
and when i came out on the id bang a manatee side of the equation
that is if it was a cute manatee
and we were in a loving and committed relationship
and it was a female manatee
and the crowd went
EWWWW
sex with a female
then i knew
then we left
and now i gotta work with a dude who thinks i took him into a gay bar
and thats funny as shit

Saturday, May 12, 2007

stop and frisk
the leading mayoral candidate wants to stop and frisk people on the streets to quell the shootings
so now we have to talk to cops?
what if we dont feel like talking to a cop that day?
its not like theyre gonna stop and frisk me
im not in the target demographic
im not young and black
but what a fucking pain in the ass that shit is
what if a politically correct cop or two decided to hassle white dudes on the street
stop and frisk a dozen lawyers on the way into city hall
stop and frisk a few dozen tourists
yeah, the way he was holding the map and the fact that he didnt seem to understand english indicated that he was high in drugs to me so i frisked him
the other candidate wants to hire a thousand more cops
i may have to move
legalize drugs and the profit goes away
and the jails empty
but jails are good business
so stop and frisk puts alot more kids in jail
and we build more jails
and jails create jobs
invest in orange jumpsuit manufactureres
invest in bar makers
invest in handcuff manufacturers and the makers of laceless sneakers
youll get rich

when working with assholes one must maintain ones artistic distance
by repeating the mantra
im better than them
im slumming
i do this as a lark, as research, as a break from teaching
im a professional asshole
and thhey are amatuers
one must strive to not enter into an asshole contest
nothing to gain here
nothing to prove
we all know who the biggest asshole is
if he wanted to be
ima retired asshole now
i dont have to asshole anymore
on saturdays
with the stomping and elbows and viscious funt that is rugby
if ii dont asshole on saturdays anymore then its easy to not have to asshole at work
turning mellow as i age
not needing to win every battle
letting a few things slide
using my mental time more effectively
i work a shitty little job because it gives me mental breathing room
mental time to plan the next big thing
to imagine a framework
a monkey could do my job
hed have to be a very clever monkey
but it would be possible
but at my shitty little job i have to strive to stay above the lurking chaos
they like to shit screwed up
it gives them something to talk about
something to feel superior about
and they also like to walk around fuming
its a great little trick
if you briskly walk around looking agitated
with a piece of paper in your hand
never stopping to talk cuz you are
fixing others mistakes
looking for a misplaced part
dealing with an a-hole customer
mad at the manager
flummoxed by the boss
you can always look ever so busy
but thats too much work
and at odds with my casual spirit
no doubt i can hustle if i have too
but my hustle means someone else is relaxing somewhere
i give the boss fifteen dollars an hour worth of work
two more than he pays me
i know what fifteen an hour feels like
i know what twenty feels like
so my gift to the bossman is to work two bucks an hour harder than he pays me for
but that isnt a whole lotta hustle
for fifteen he gets competence
and gets me an hour late once or twice a week
for fifteen he doesnt smell booze on my breath
and for fofteen i dont walk by work or watch others make mistakes and waste time
for fifteen you get a guy called helpful harry
and a minimum of bitchin cuz i can live on that sum
it aint a lavish lifestyl by anymeans
but theres fun money
and take your broad out money
and drink your face off money
but the trick is not to overtax oneself at fifteen because theres a lifetime of tomorrows to gett the job done in the neverending warehouse of work
busting your ass makes no sense
the trick is not to get involved in the fingerpointing and personalities
just show up
do the job
go ome and have a life
the time i spend there is my penalty for not organizing my life better
and ill keep paying it at fourty hours of sentence per week just because i have to learn to plan for the future a little bit better
every day i simply tread water there is a wasted opportunity to make the future more work free
i can figure it out
and the slings and arrows slung and loosed
sling some more
loose another quiver my way
im an excellent arrow avoider
and whatever youre slinging ima gonna sling back at twice the velocity should i deign to respond at all
but mostly i just smile
and sing
and watch the clock and thingk about whats gonna happen to my girlfriend laer this evening if she even feigns friskiness
oh yes
friskiness shall ensue

humid days in the warehouse
sticky,sweaty,dirty
greasy dirt from the motors and heavy industrial dust that could be a hundred years old
nothing finer than a day in the warehouse
sweat trickles ballward
you develop a manly form of diaper rash
mine comes where my immense balls rub against my thighs
i have to walk bowlegged for the last few hours
the backside of my balls where they meet my thighs are rubbed raw
vaseline burns the exposed flesh at this point
it seemed like a good idea to rub a healthy handful there
but no
fire
i sit forward on the bus seat to give my balls some relief
sitting on them just seems like more torture
they need a rest
i have to stop a few times on the walk from the bus stop
tighter underwear might do the trick
trap them against my taint
gotta buy a few sizes too small
but that gets uncomfy too
talcum powder was reccomended
powdery balls
thats a new one
life is cetainly an adventure these days
and with the tenderness one has to hope to avoid the fingernails of ones lover
could be big trouble
in an area that is often so delightful
my newly ironic balls
now are dangerous
painful
new vistas in balldom
and suddenly a title appears out of the meandering rubbish
new vistas in balldom
sounds kinda like an anthology one would buy for ones literature course
this text covers modern movements in balldom from a sociohistoric viewpoint as well as feminist and world cultural perspective in balldom
the piece on saddams balls
"bouncing from spiderhole to gallows"
is an especially poignant modern exploration of balls politics and the human condition as it pertains to a very specific set of until recently very pamperd balls
a true ballian tragedy
reads like shakespeare

Monday, May 07, 2007

nyc was phenomenal
nothing like 72 degrees and a glass of wine in your hand
wit yer special gal
bright sunshine
beats being a wage slave in a dark dirty warehouse

we then went to mcsorleys
sawdust on the floor
clean afternoon sunlight balanced by the bleachy smell from the back

then some bookstores
hadda swell time

this weekend was even better
adam and eve shit ensued
with the blanket by the creek and the fresh air
the dog licking my ass at critical moments

Saturday, May 05, 2007

checking the radar in kentucky for todays weather
getting the technological edge
kentucky derby day
and i have cash to burn
a paycheck in my pocket
and all sorts of interesting wagering philosophies
been dune some reading of the experts
on line jumped off the page
some chick analyst for the racing channel wrote
"...Curlin is a magnificent looking animal with an excellent mind."
so its hard to be against him
you dont want to lose a horserace to the only horse genius in the field
he'll never let you forget it
like a snarky smart ass mr spock
it is illogical that you didnt bet me
silly human
pass me the oats
but others arent so sure about this genius horse
so im checking out the radar
seeing if horse with a family history of success over muddy tracks can bring me the winning ticket
mudders
so i have to take the precsion of weather analysis which is an exact science
filter through the "expert" horse opinions
add a little verbal karma to the stew
some horses names are too clever to pass up
some speak to the literary person in me
cant be resisted and cat horses always win
so its cowtown cat who happens to be a mudder
any given saturday with its rugby refernces
saturday is rugby day
and
ummm
dominican with the odds
and the vibe
and the grooove
box them in the exacta for 6 bucks
add zanjero and play a trifecta box for 24 bucks and theres some fun the whole family can enjoy

then do an exacta
a box with great hunter and any of the other two, just for fun,
once a year why not
6 bucks on 20
36 bucks so far
then six on the bake boys play
eric is obviously liquidity
john is sam p his sons name and i am
horse 12 no biz like show biz because i am such a superstar
thats the 13,12,9
six more bucks in a trifecta
add the 18 to make a superfecta key the 12 with the 13,9,18
for 6 more
making 48 bucks
then 2 0n my birthday numbers 9,13 with 9,13 with 6 and three
just in case my birthday wants to pay me off in the derby
these are my official posted bets and for 50 bucks what the fuck?
now to call my brothers so they can get rich too
bet and be rich
or read about the fun im having iin the tropics
peace
pot
microdot

Thursday, May 03, 2007

im trying to encouragr a friend of mine who hates her job at the whole foods market to just hang on a little while longer
at least thru barbeque season
she could
'forget'
to ring up a few big fat hormone free beef steaks
she could claim, when caught, that the job is driving her to abuse prescription meds
which make her sleepy
which makes her forget to ring up a few steaks every now and then and maybe some sushi too
she could say she hates smiling
always has
and has been forcing it
and if shes a new abuser of drugs their treatment program would cover her
she coul claim she hates to sell meat to the carnivores which is why she handles the steaks delicately
and its only natural that so unnatural an act would give her nightmares
somthing so against god
what with the capitalism exploiting the poor cows and the poor workers it could be quite a nightmare for a truly sensitve person to have a job
it would only be natural to go insane
she would have to set it up just right
make the right remarks in front of winteesses to get the proper documaentation
then she could live the dream
workmans comp by reason of hypersensitivity and resulting insanity
yeah baybee
oops i aint sposed to say baybee no more