so the idea is a whole show about my balls
to back up the book that is already 3 stories down out of 89
85 more stories about my balls then i can take it on the road
tee shirts for sale in the lobby
i enjoyed harrys nuts
i am in negotiations with a several major nut companies at this time
if i put my name and face on the nutbag
i want them to be the tastiest nuts out there
the bags of nuts are for the people who want to support me
my nut army
my army of nut mercenaries
but whose level of commitment does not reach the tee shirt level

HARRY'S NUTZ
see
with a title like that im not tied down to all ball related humor
wont testicle lovers be dissappointed when its not "a very intimate hour with my balls"
as they had been led to believe
to satisfy the true afficiandos
i will have pictures of my balls for sale in the back stage area after the show,
limited edition,
hand signed and numbered to 100
or if you prefer the etching
so the director is in place
were looking for a venue
and so an empire is born
born of the simple credo
"do what you love and success will follow"
i like talking and writing about my nuts
at least this week i do
and the rest of my web-log is all about my transformation into a first class nutjob
psychopath
sociopath
so why not roll with it
"hello, nut job industries
how can i direct your call?"

i shared my balls with an audience last night
they were not well recieved
i admit that the story drifted near the end
and that the halloween part was just tacked on for extra points
but it wasnt bad for two hours effort
sadly, others had polished their work more
so i need so sit down and do the same
trim the fat
my english teechur girlfriend said i lost the crowd when i said "frooty"
they were enjoying the balls until then
but can i tell the tale of a bus full of nekkid rugby players without mentioning the gayness?
i just may offend some homos with this
sorry in advance
maybe i need a disclaimer at the beginning of the piece
no homos were harmed in the writing of this piece
and none should feel offended by my use of the word homo and any synonyms sprinkled liberally throughout as this is the ACTUAL DIALOG AND THINKING OF A REFORMED HOMOPHOBE
i aint scared of youse anymore
now that i understand you
thanks will and grace
but, jeez, i had to listen to the story about the gay wrestling coach and all the measurement talk
im just doing some counter programming
you dont have to be a fag to be artistic
oh shit
thats crossing the line
ill start the disclaimer over

warning
the following story contains adult situations and language and is meant primarily for the enjoyment of people who appreciate verbal dexterity and insane rambling digressions and diversions
coarse language may be used for comedic effect
no gays were bashed in the writing or performing of this piece and any perceived attacks on the homosexual population are entirely of your own warped construction and authorship you twisted oversensitive judgemental fruitloop
just kidding sodomite!

damn almost got thru it there

again
i must take it to the lab and polish it some more
this is the first draft
oh wait
i dont give a rats ass what some homo thinks about my balls
or stories generated by said funsacks
if u want to be offended its your choice
your right to choose to live your life that way
enjoy your life
and without further ado
enjoy this cleaner and more polished version of my balls

if a blind squirrl
wearing a broken watch
meets a bike riding fish
in the woods
does that mean that women need to find my bear nuts twice a day?
and why stop at finding
how bout some fondling
while you are there and all

my dad didnt like the beginning of my newest opus
the one that starts
"fuck stink wafts
my balls humm"

he didnt get the full presentation
with the dramatic pauses

i was reciting it up the steps and around a corner and over the tv in the other room that my mom was watching
i think he didnt hear the word "waft" clearly
i had to repeat it
and mom was talking to him too

portrait of an artist at home sharing his bounty with the fam

he also had stylistic issues with the profanity in the beginning
you cant begin with the word fuck
what do english professors know about style anyway?
this aint the community college, old man

i told him that out mutual writer friend liked it
cracked up even
said good things about the "economy of words"
my dad thinks shes tring to get an edge
in the writing SLAM
for the money
thinks shes seeking a competitve advantage
i dont think shes like that
but now the opus lies in danger of purgatory
unfinished
floating out there
does the world really need to hear about my humming balls?
i thought so,
once
but now i wonder
are my balls that important?
do i need to immortalize my balls in yet another epic poem?
or should my balls go un-remarked upon in the history of the internet?
i had the biggest balls on the bus
in england
on a rugby tour
someone decided we all had to get naked
you couldnt stay clothed in the afterglow of such an important rugby victory as the one we had all just participated in
teh one ive forgotten the details of
that would never do
but it seemed kinda gay to me
so i had to take measures
i noticed (in a non homo way)that the dude across the aisle from me had a wee lil ball sack
so i did some research
waving my balls around like a huge bass id just caught or something
weiner in my hidden under the fingers of my hand of course
it was about the balls, not the wang
to compare wangs would be gay
balls are fun
so i shook them in the other players faces as i walked the aisle
the smart ones stood up
many shrank away
cringing windoward
and saying things like "get the fuck away from me you homo"like i was the embodiement of their beastly uncle
or a too friendly priest
the ones who understood said things like
"mann those are some big balls you got there"
or
"another great victory for you dude, you are truly unbeatable, a real force of nature"
and the more i waved
them around the more i knew that i was making these other dudes way more uncomfortable than i had initially felt with my nudity
each ball comparision
was a referendum
a minor victory in a life full of disappointment,
degradation and drinking
the three D's defining my life
add dorkishness
a dash of depravity
and my disgust
and you and have the recipe for my delicious 6d bollock stew
can i have some more balls ma?
so does the world need to hear more about my balls?
you are goddamned sraight
the world need a second helping of my balls
thats why im starting a book called 89 adventures with my ballsack
only 88 more to go
then i can collect the nobel prize for literature
and the pulitzer goes to...
harrys tales of scrotal glory
id like to thank my mom and dad for having me
and id like a moment of silence for all the dead soldiers
the guys who didnt make it
the ones who were just doing their duty
swimming and swimming with no ovary in sight
or worse
dessicated in a sock on the floor
because without the little guys there would be no reason for me to have such huge and storied balls
such dramatic balls
such legendary balls
without all the billions of dead sperm
haunting my nightmare every halloween
like scrooge in october
i am tormented
billions and billions of little costumed trick or treatering sperm circling my head
trying to fertilize my eyes
forcing me to make sure their lives were not spent in vain
if it wasnt for all those little spermatoazoan ghosts and pirates and zombies and naughty nurses
yeah
naughty nurses
o yeah
o yeah
oh shit
more dead on the horizon
oh the humanity

Jay Z is pimping budweieser now
so i guess bud is now the "beer of pimps"
its what they drink in the murder capitol, where they murder for capital
i wonder if any of the busches, who own budweiser, have listened to any of his records
about the dope game
money cash hoes
its an intersting partnership
in the video and ad hes got two nascar drivers
one is that chick
the song playing in the commercial for bud that the nascar people are driving ferraris in is about as white a Jay Z song as Ive ever heard
inoffensive
but when you sell out
may as well do it for a big check, like im sure he did
maybe this is opening markets for bud
maybe 40 ounce sales of bud will skyrocket in the hood now
i cant wait to hear the rest of the album
to see if its all pussied out
a theme album about selling out

the second song is about walmart
yo yo yo check this walmart shit out
unhhhh
unhh unhh

"the wal is for your wallet,
staying nice and thick
these prices are bargains
so get off my dick
i made a mill for this rap
and a mill from bud
youse all are haters sitting home
pulling your pud"

and he can sell cars too
ummm unh unh unh
yeah thats tite
unh unh
yeah kick it
"my name is HO-VA
i drive a NOVA
i love my chevy with the bevvie
HOLDA
my chevy is sexy
my chevy is for real
you wont believe the cash they gave me for this car deal
their sales are thru the roof
novas being bought up by youth
im such a sell out now
i had to get my windows bullet proof"

hemorroid cream
yeah yeah yeah
when your ass be itching
and your trying to kick game
stop the itching in its tracks
ask for it by name
the prep to the h is the name to say
relief is just a full fingertip away
coat your finger good
coat it up thick
then shove it up your ass like you was in prison getting dick
the prep H shit soothes
that prep H shit rocks
i got my name and my picture
on the box"

mikes ex girl, jerry, was outside the pizza shop when i pedalled up for beer
he kicks her out every few months when she pisses him off
she doesnt seem to care, but it may be a coping strategy
she likes her beer, and when she can get them, pills
the street has been alot quieter since mikey moved away
no one yelling "you fucking bitch, get the fuck out" every month or so
the only real action we get since the fire sent the sort italian packing is dude and his stripper every now and then
its getting boring over here
so, that being the case, i guess ill put a personal ad in the paper

SAVE SOUTH PHILLY!
once vibrant block, gone pussy needs active, vocal lovers
your job will be to fuck me good then really step out of line
piss me off something good
should be able to throw/dodge beer bottles
excellent command of pejorative /colorful language
improvosational skills a plus
otherwise our once proud neighborhood is going upscale
gentrified
mikeys house was gutted and is being turned into a milliondollar yuppie palace with an elevator
theyll probably have civilized, private fights
using sarcasm and hostile silences
with timeouts for the kids
how will the kids learn if we keep these valuable learning moments private?
call today fuck tomorrow
fight whenever you are ready, bitch


again its up to me to save the universe

no job yet
but not really that terrible a life these days
the beach has been really pretty in the morning
i walk along it as i head to the sin palaces of AC
to meet up with opponents who are not my caliber
the few that are clever, i can deftly avoid
dancing around their deisgns on my chipstack
while attacking the scared, the blowhards and the bigshots
people who are playing for fun
people who say
"oh this is only 50 bucks, thats a hand of backjack for me,
im saving money here"
people for whom 4-5 hours of concentration is too much for them
they paid my rent today
with some left over for the gas bill
nice enough of them
i think ill give them a shot a next months rent when i play again tommorrow

later on the beach
laughing with the seagulls
plotting our next moves on the tourists
swooping down to grab the funnel cakes of the unwary
and laughing in the sun
ah-ah-ah ah aieee aiee aieeeeewwwww

i stand here with a honey producing insect in my palm
something blows into my eye....


one of the most beautiful works of art in the world today is the nude study
reclining anarchist
in the supplest and most tastily rendered strokes
loveliness is created
hope begins to fill what was void
and things don’t quite seem so puke-stained

it was known for a brief time as reclining cow
which doesn’t sound all that purty
until you come to the understanding that c.o.w. is an acronym

cult of wonderfulness,
a smallish cult
dedicated to making things better
one moment at a time
the cult has a very fine induction ceremony featuring feng-shui and bourbon

you should all start your own cult today
and try to appreciate art as it happens in your life
and if you don’t understand this you weren’t meant to
it’s a c.o.w. thing, you wouldn’t understand
nothing but a c.o.w. thang baybee
whuddup, my bovine beauty?
my roof awaits

...beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder

if shes a cow
im a leviathan of the deep
the world taxing my joints after a day of exercise in the sun
creaky knees
throbbing feet
a swollen knuckle
bruises
still, tastiness ensued
can inter species things ever work out?

standing in the audience with my drunk brother who is ticking like a timebomb
on the way to the club he was abusing pedestrians and motorists with his brand of loud, abusive, in your face "hey im hammered" humor
GET IT?
my brother is a very goal oriented drinker
the goal being to become as drunk as possible, as fast as possible
i try not to fill him in on the details the next day when he claims not to remember
he kinda gets a kick out of hearing what an asshole he was
JA SEE THAT GUY?
WHATTA FAGGOT
being that this show was the psychedelic furs i was sure there would be more faggot sitings that evening
so i kept an eye open for security
and tried to enjoy the aging rockstars
maybe two hundred and fifty or so people in the audience
say the band gets five to ten bucks a head
four of them
plus roadies
maybe the lead singer is pulling in 400 bucks for the nite
you can live on that, but it aint the arena
he still was working the crowd very professionally
maintaining eyecontact with each section for a few seconds then shifting his focus
i had a good spot
on the steps leading up from the pit
top step
the guy behind me kept yelling WOO after every song
then making a loud request
in my ear
PLAY LOVE MY WAY
suddenly my brother wasnt the most dangerous bakerboy in the place
i turned to this music fan and yelled right in his face
YEAH MAN LOVE MY WAY ROCKS DUDE I LOVE THAT SONG
he nodded
he may have though we were bonding
i turned to the stage
another fine song from the 80s about love and alienataion and isnt she pretty in pink
another woohoo
another request for his favortie song in my left ear
i turn again
i sip my beer for maximum spray and enunciate at the top of my register
THAT WASNT LOVE MY WAY MAN< YELL LOUDER< I DONT THINK THEY HEARD YOU
hes not nodding this time
this time i get a look
i turn to hear the nice song about how president gas is president gas for president
its request time again for the idiot
after the perfunctory WOO HOO that is
i chug my beer
burp
turn to face my fellow music fan
I turn my volume to eleven because its one louder
MAN ARE THEY FUCKING WIT YOU OR WHAT?
im less than two inches from his nose
clearly breaching not only his personal space but also clearly verbally assulting him as i really punch the FUCKING WITH YOU part
he gives ground
i take ground
im about to explaing to him why ghost in you is a much better song when i feel my elbow grabbed and i turn
cocking a fist and its my brother asking me what the fuck am i doing starting shit and i start laughing as dude slinks off into the crowd and we decide we will leave after the next song which is ghost in you and i sing along because i am a very good singer and then we leave
two cabelleros of consumption
beer muscles all flexy and dangerous as any hick ever was to any city folk
his jokes seem funnier now

scribble from my black book
volume one

i bought the black book at ikea
it was hand made and fit in my pocket
i carried it to many a temporary waiter job
so if the dork on NPR is right

and thoughts are a miracle

i offer these miracles to the world
enjoy

insanity for dummies
insanity: a users guide
talking less
planing more
other people still problematic
i feel they know my thoughts
are judging me
they know i think that they are obese, obnoxious, subhuman and vile
they see my lip curl to close my nostrils from their offensive smell
so i give them A GOOD LOOK
to back them off
the look radiates hostility and the FACT that i will kick your ass

HOw to beat the pros
know when they have aces
bet big on the river with the nuts
get calls because you are WILD
"train" your table
form alliances
be likeable so they reach into their pocker for more$$$ when you bust them
set maxloss/stop loss figure
sit with 100 and play like its your last cash
play tight til you catch
sleep if you have to
observe the action
put people on hands
play no hands for the first hour or two except premium deluxe hands and bet those aggressively
establish tight image then switch it up
use their fear


the too young bartender was easy to amuse
unaware of the wiles and styles and pure conversation i have at my disposal
susceptible to my humor
job based humor where her shitty job tickles and triggers my years and years of "i have a shitty job" stories
the thrill of being a big city bartender
so i made another cutie laff
and went home alone as usual
as my exciting overtures either repulsed her or made her deaf
is it too much to hope for that she had a crush on one of her dads friends when he came over the house to watch sports?
that, clad in hot pants, she gladly fetched beers for daddy in and her dream man?
that she equated my huge belly with a vast resevior of sexiness?

i go to the track to stay in touch with my humanity
when life treats me too well
i go there and share my resources with strangers
i need to experience loss
every now and then
i tired of being such a winner
i go when i feel the need to be wrong again
after months and months of always being right


comedy act
the arch card? mcdonalds has a prepaid card
are you serious?
retarded credit card
yaaaaa
mmm transfat
prepay for your poison today then look like a pimp when you pull out the card at the place to be on a friday nite
shop online at retardedpoisonbargains.com

youre gonna get caught eating those cookies, man, they have cameras everywhere
said my concerned coworke

"thats why i eat them like this , two hands per cookie" middle fingers extended

sinatra a homo?
(to the tune of witchcraft)
that jism in my hair
your tasty underwear
id like to strip you bare
its bitch - craft

refrain-and altho id like to bee covered in goooooooooooooooooooooooo
when you AROUSE the need in me
i say i want your seed in me
what good would condom sense for me dooooOOOOOOOOOOO

its bitch craft
yeah im your bitch craft
it makes sense
he was a pretty man
he and dean martin
both used alcoholism to hide the shame of their homosexuality
it makes sense that the mafia is a gay bastion
kiss my ring
yeah
well don homo
i cant kiss your ring while you are playing with yourself like
that
try
try or die
you wanna be a made man or not?
kiss the ring
yeah thats it
yeah
the mafia has always had strong ties to the homoridden church

i figure i can do this mafia guys are all homos act maybe once or twice before i have to change my name
or go into the comedian protection program or face a hail od gunfire from my south philly audience
maybe i can do a bit where Rocky is gay too
and really make friends

im starting my rap career with this tune
well this is the hook anyway

i dont care if your complexion is dark or pallid
come on girl and
toss my salad
so what if your living conditions are squallid?
its paradise when you
toss my salad

i got the job writing the fourth installment of the fast and the furious
where fast rides and hot women and violence intersect in a new locale in each movie
they pushed it to the limit in miami, tokyo and detroit
now the fastest drivers, in the coolest cars, take on the ultimate challenge in
FAST AND FURIOUS FOUR
IRAQUI DESERT RACERS
theyve got to get these semis across the desert so our brave heroic fighting men can have ice cream for dessert in the desert
man that would work
call MGM for me
whose got the number

speaking of movies, i saw that gay cowboy moie the other day
it didnt seem gay right away either
it wasnt gay right away it was scenic
all those vistas and shit
it sort of snuck up on you
then
BAM
gayness
that scene on horseback
when billy crystals character is talking to old gruff jack palances character
about that one thing
how do you know when youve found the one thing?
says billy earnestly
you just know says palance
and that thing is WANG
now drop your drawers jewboy and face mecca
we can do this with or without the knife to your throat, your choice

is it child abuse to expose kids to nascar?


tits for days
pleasing features
second chin
trying to hold onto her sexiness with her low cut blouse
but on the tail end of it
her gut is becoming an issue
but she has these crytal blue glazzies
a penetrating gaze
but no ass to speak of
no bubble
no cushion for the pushin
the too-flat ass skews her towards dumpy
probably gives great head to mean spirited ex-jocks with fading washboard abs and 100 dollar sunglasses in parking lots for lines of shitty coke on saturdays when she can get a sitter

i was listening to NPR the other day
a writer for the new yorker
telling the world about how precious he is
waht a miracle his thoughts are
how he cant stop them and never knows what form they will take
that the genisis for his latest work came to him on the crapper
and he had to get up quickly
without wiping
so as to save this precious thought before it dissipated into nothingness
and the world was robbed of this latest burst of creativity
thank god for poor hygeine
i mean
that essay
in the last new yorker
about the ironic similarities
between the greek word for bagel
and the yiddish word for anal sex
it had to be explored
trees had to die to print this specific observation
humanity needs its diversions
otherwise we would focus on the horror of existence
and wince every time we turned on a light
curling up in a fetal ball of futility
so in this country we divert our attentions from the suffering of others
while those who suffer divert their attnetion from the growling of thier distended stomachs
trying to cheer themselves up with a little song as the lesions take over
telling funny stories as the miltitants advance on their hiding place

and you cant do shit about it because evil is so firmly entrenched

unless you want to be a marrtirrr
and give it all up for your cause
waht if the sooey side balm-ers have it right?
that the only soul-ution in an insane world is an insane act?
so their aim is a little off
but they cant get on a plane to dee cee now can they?
so they take it out on the local enemy instead of the root of ee vowel
of course even thinking this way is a thoughtcrime
so to disguise it from the many guvmintfilteringandsearchprograms one has to resort to creative spelling and such
otherwise they kick in your door
and you are never heard from again
their fingerprint "experts" tieing you to a dead hooker
and then the tragic knifing in the jailhouse
i wish my thoughts were as precous as the dude from the new yorker
but i didnt graduate from harvard
i dont have the proper connections and credentials
i cant even write a real sentence anymore
so my thoughts are just a waste of synaptic energy
so i try to kill them
with booze
but the surviving brains cells are embittered by the attmept on their lives and become even more vile machines of pure hate and pessimism
except in those magical sunny moments when all is right in the world
sunny and shiny
manic bursts of energy in which possibilites are there for the taking
paths which when followed could lead to sustained and enduring happiness
but who needs that shit
you have to laugh off the success thoughts
because the world will still suck mightily
and even when you are mega rich like bill gates and feeling guilty you are still throwing tiny spitballs at the problems of the world
suffering is the real human condition
if you aint suffering, you aint living
if you aint suffering, you are fucking someone over
fucking someone over every time you use electricity
or start your car up
fucking over the word with each plastic baggie you wrap your kids macrobiotic lunch in
with every flush sending eight gallons of choline death into the water system
you ever put a fish into philly tap water?
the fucker dies
and philly tap water is supposedly "good"
i guess the amish will need body guards now
maybe thats my future
amish security services, INC.
ASS INC.
at your service
move out into lancaster county
observe the amish like jane goodall did with the gorillas
slowly getting closer and closer to them until they accept me into the geurilla troop
socially grooming one another
we pick nits from each others scalps and brush each others back hair
once accepted into the troop i introduce rugby to the amish
soon they are a world rugby power
but they only play home games
or games withing a three hour buggy ride

being a beneficent and understanding god i will no longer allow genocide on my watch
the gene pool can go on without me
the sperm bank can stop calling and offering me outrageous sums for my essense
no longer will my seed be spilled
it aint fair
it aint fair to the sperm to whom i am god
to have them get their ho[pes up and wind up in a towel or a sock or on the inside of my underwear on the rare trip to get a lapdance
if not deployed, the little guys eventually become reabsorbed into my expanding universe
and those profiteers at the sperm bank are capitalist at their worst
selling single "genius spermatazoa" on ebay
garunteed fresh and viable for up to $2500 to women who want the best possible zyote
i supose it will still be possible to obtain my little swimming geniuses
but not while i am concious
i may have to install security
i caught someone sneaking into my hovel the other nite, trying to fellate me...
who says they have no feelings?
who says they have no culture, no society?
now i suppose if the right comely millionairess came a courtin
and proved her devotion to me
put me up in the guest house
and developed a trust fund for each of my little swimmers
i suppose i could once again release them into the world
but until that rare event happens, its pee only for my pecker
i will not be a party to sperm abuse
my little guys deserve better
whats out there for them anyway?
an agonizing death in a pool of stomach acid?
freezing to death in a discarded condom?
as the temperature drops below body temperature and the little guys cling to life like leonardo dicaprio in titanic?
slowly freezing to death then dissappearing forever into the cold void
holding on a until the very last second with no ovary in sight?

dont worry fellas
your creator loves you
your existense will not become a galactic joke
you can stay inside
where its warm and pointless
that whole competition thing is degrading anyway
the great sperm race
where only the strongest survive
and the rest die

end the sperm genocide now!

picket the local massage parlors and lap dance palaces

or embrace genocide and see what happens to your soul
when the trillions upon trillions of little zygotes that you wasted come back to haunt you with a vengance
revenge of the zygotes, zygotes from hell, in 3-d

or are you so fantastic a life form that the world needs more of you
running around
consuming resources
flushing toilets
creating tons of waste
yeah
the world needs more of you
have a shitload of kids
you are special
your special gift must be passed on to save the future
you are the one
the parent of a new race of gods
o wait
there were no wasted sperm in the immaculate conception now were there?
youd have heard about it
the one that missed
the little god sperms would have flown all around the world until they found ripe eggs
and we would have had a whole slew of sons and daughters of god
just that one single god sperm shot down by apollo or zeus or whomever
to hit that egg dead center in marys womb
and start saving the world
and thats the secret of being a just and loving god
one sperm per woman
its just about mental focus
being a sharp shooter
line forms to the right
no pushing, theres plenty for all
not the orgasm/genocide of the common man
one sperm per customer
first fill out this form and complete the essay
i deserve the genius sperm because...
five hundred words minimum
and come stand in line when you are ovulating
good luck on saving the future
and enjoy your sperm

one weekend my brother returned from brooklyn to the country with a miraculous bad of peyote buttons that he had purchased in washington square.
i saw an aztec warrior and preist that evening and i was able to glimpse beyond the fabric of the universe where there was a tear in the upper corner...the fabric was pulled away and the frame was visible...dully glowing neon orage latticework with stoic indians looking down at me...as good as the stuff is for understanding the world better, it was not the best thing to take before a rugby game...i was unning all over the place but my violence was unfocussed, more for violence sake, then the controlled violence that is neccessary for rugby accomplishments, i was penalized more in that game than in any other...but it was worth a shot..the opposite of mushrooms taht are good for your game....they help you access the neanderthal and enjoy the mud...one large cap is plenty, thirty minutes before the game....the best combination was probably when i was doing ginseng, bee pollen and ritalin before games...that combo made me fly around like a bumblebee...then i ran out of ritalin and my search for the propler supplementation had to switch yet again....when i was in great shap a simple guiness before the game served as carbo loading with the alcohol stimulating my inner asshole, i guess im siometimes an angry drunk when people try to hit me....redbull doesnt do anything except destroy my sleep that evening and i dont know how any of the fellows could even try that ephedra stuff, that shit is murder, you can almost feel the stroke coming on....one thing that was horrible to do before a game was blow as it constricted my throat and made it hard to breath, plus where ya gonna cut a line out? glucose is good shit at halftime, you get a nice rush of energy for about twenty minutes....then theres speed... tha louisiana exiles were notorious for their use of blach beauties back in the day when they were a fearsome sight to behold on the field...fired up southern azzkickers with tiny pupils snorting aand stomping like wild horses....all meth did for me was make me put people on stretchers and i didnt like the way that felt the next day so i stopped... theres enough violent impact in the proper course of play and you have to respect our opponents more than to take something that makes you a true sociopath...excpet for the dude from villanova, i didnt like him and he deserved the ride to the hospital...that would have happened anyway....the poor little second row from st joes is the one i felt bad about as i stomped his back so hard as he lay by the ball that he was holding his front as play stopped...fifteen years later and i wanna say sorry dude....i was still learning my limits....learning about how psyhotic i wanted to be...how much was too much, how much was just right like the little bitch with the porridge and the chairs in the bears house....there is enough room for physicality in the tackles, in the rucks, in the scrums in teh mauls to satisfy anyones thirst for contact....the extra shit and bad seeds that are out there will be dealt with eventually because you cant keep doing that and get over on the opposing fifteen guys, they will find you at a vulnerable spot and wreak their own havoc on you in revenge....i learned how dirty my tolerance was....im not saying i stoopped leaving footprints on people after that day, sometime you have to persuade people to get off your ball, but the key is to gradually increase the violence of your studs on their back, dragging them down the back once or twice is ususally enough to get the ball....and sometime you have to put your elbow in someones face when they are trying to be a tough guy in a tackle...you just have too...it aint a game for the delicate....and bruises are all part of the fun, as is experimenting with the machine that is your body in oreer to find the perfect rugby fuel....like that morning we drove down to norflok with the potomac athletic club and i discovered that cookie dough, chocolate milk and two chili dogs are not the best pregame meal in the world....live and learn...and occasionly pulke on the field...it takes the opponent out of their game when you wipe it in your hair before the next scrum....