i wake up with the birds
trying to find some writing time
the handyman wakes up
starts talking
as is his wont
noises too
clearing his throat
blowing the nose
huge manly noises
profaning my commune with the birdies
so there is no escape
no time for me to be alone with my thoughts
no time to write
im surrounded

luckily for me the handyman's stamina wanes
hes soon back asleep
just me and the birds and a cool breeze before sunup
ahhhhh

so the only real obstacle to my writing now is my contentment
no real words flow when i am so friggin happy
maybe i should start a fight with her to find more interesting thoughts

the only alternative is to start writing love pomes

what rhymes with bliss,
my tasty miss?
your tastiness,
i'd kiss
forever

no one wants to hear that shit
or do they?
should i start sending shit to hallmark
become their top producer
a book titled hallmark moments
full of pukey poetry?
and what is it about happiness that triggers the gag reflex in so many
it was almost automatic
is that gag a reaction to the conditioning program?
the conditioning program force fed us by the man
unsubtle, with butterflies and rainbow stars
leaking from your tv set in this weeks brand new my pretty pony episode
yeah
i smell the conditioning now
yeah
feelings are so gay
what am i half a fag?
jeez
men dont emote
except my pussy crying daddy
the feminist
the saint
the one all the coeds love
awwww
all the girls love my dad
ive had this conversation a few times
the hottie im talking to somehow knows my dad
they start to fawn
of course
"your dad is so great"
"your dads cool"
"it must be awesome having a dad like him"
"do you follow him around for nuggets of wisdom?"

so yeah
its a burden alright
yeah my burden isnt quite as heavy as hitlers was
my kampf aint so heavy

i have good role models in love
i was at the wedding
in utero
a witness to the vows they made in february at the beach
a witness to 44 years of commitment to another person
a witness to love that doesnt make you puke

so who programs the puke response to love?
the one that seems automatic in seven year old boys
when they discover cooties
and girl germs

i think i like girl germs

i think i like them alot

*******hallmark moment number two********

infect me with your cootie
my little cutie
you define beauty

i guess i can adapt to bliss
im also gonna have to adapt to being a gretting card millionaire
it may be another mighty struggle
but im up to it
i can do it

.....i wake up smiling
(shes just that styling)

i smelled like her at work today
her body wash is japanese and quite distinctive
so i gave myself a boner all day
when i sniffed my shoulder
or rubbed my neck
the boner kept my pants up
ive been losing weight in the warehouse
my pants just head south every so often
so when id feel my pants sag
id sniff my shoulder
and
no more droopy drawers
it was next to impossible to leave the warm hottie filled bed today
luxurious
tasty
late to work again
happy as a clam in shit
aint love grand?

assholes at msnbc put video of the killer on the tube
thats smart
i posted this email
lets ee if they post it
maybe they have a good reason to glorify the killer
i mean he did set the new record and all
so they celebrate it

my post
you are sick to place the killer photos on the website and put them on the airthis is exactly what is wrong with the mediait was bad enought that every network "brought out the scorecards"after the massacrethw worstlike its a competitionthen the photos?how much encouragement do you think a sicko needs?YOU ARE MAKING HIM AN ICONHE WILL BE ON TEESHIRTSARE YOU CRAZY?you just made an icon out of a sickocongratsyour ratings will be greati will be writing down the advertisers namesand asking why they buy time from horror mongers like yourselves

it is a competitve society that we live in
but this killer scorecard is beyond the pale
i may have to kick in my tv set

the ad campaign says
"theres strong...
then theres army strong"
yeah
theres dumb
and then theres join the army dumb
heres a shiny pile of nickels
any day anytime anywhere
thats how we do it in the us airforce
yeah

i want to start a magazine with my two great writer friends
ill write the silly shit
they can write the serious prose
ill sell the ads
they just need to practice
as we all do
all of us who claim to love words
they need you to work em out a little
word bench presses and squats
lean muscular prose
yeah baby

we'll start out as cheaply as possible
just to reach print
just to have something in our hand to show people
every two months or so sounds about right
and between the three of us we know enough interesting things happening aroung the city to really mark philly with the scent of our urine
to mark our terrritory
i think our first issue should be a tribute to kurt vonnegut
since that was the day i had the idea to stop being lazy
to stop halfassing words and take them seriously
to even edit
the E word
not here of course
ill save the editted things for the professional and slick calling card that our little magazine will be
im thinking about the size of the ritz magazines
they do them pretty cheaply
maybe spend a couple extra pennies on a shiny cover

it was raining monday morning
really coming down
pitter patter soak my ass on the way to work
so i figured if im going to be wet at work
i may as well be high too
so i loaded up the one hitter from the wooden dugout i like to carry with me at all times just in case
and tiook a deep hit
as i coughed the idea laden smoke from my lungs for the third or fourth time
you cough you get off
the words started to flow
the pen was moving of its own accord
i was simply the conduit
crazy ideas
good ideas
dumb ideas all pouring out
as the rain treated the transom above my toilet like politely clapping golf patrons saluting the second place golfer
the date was 4/11
the radio man said kurt vonnegut was dead
and then the idea came to take back the elevens
make 5/11 a party day like no other

the wake for KV
have a string of parties on the eleventh of months when the energy is there for a party
but it has to be more than booze
the people demand spectacle
bread and circusses

I dont usually do this but this email just flowed out of me and i wanted to share it with the world
and im sorry for sharing but i feel like it now

Date:
Tue, 3 Apr 2007 16:06:13 -0700 (PDT)
From:
"harry baker" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject:
sushi wine and a strange head
To:
"Bronwyn Lepore"

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it was a beautiful day and being nature biy i was
feeling wonderful and decided to share thelove and i
stopped off for some sushi and a 750 of pinot grigio
and with that beautiful spring song in my heart i
stopped by and peekied in and saw a military style
haircut on the back of some dudes head
so now im sharing the wine and sushi with my brother
and semi jealous and semi resigned to my fate and semi
cinematic and it is the cinematic which i will focus
on instead of those other negative type emotions
because im always hopeful and funny even in the
tryingest of times and it is how a MAN responds to
lifes pressure that defines him and i am the type who,
not having enough pressure in my life, sought out the
hardest game i could to add more physical kinda
pressures to my life and do the mano el mano stuff as
well as i could and i am sad you are in love with a
weakling who when given the choice of loving you or
loving booze chose the booze

work is sucking again
the novelty has worn off
and its springtime
and beautiful
and a dirty warehouse is no place to be for a man like me
or maybe it is perfect

i took yesterday off
just because i could
and it was wondrous
sitting around like a slug
doing absolutely nada
checking the time at odd moments between beers and laughing at the guys stuck in the warehouse on a glorious spring afternoon

today karma paid me back
my lazy co-worker
who can be tricked into working if you are especially delicate
decided to get really high at lunch
hes sitting on a cart in the back
catatonic
having a shitty manager is usually a win for me
this time it was a loss
as he was unable to locate the slug and motivate him
and it isnt my job to do so
so i did all the work
im the little red hen today

"and who will help me ship these packages?"
as you know
no volunteers
throughout my day no takers

but on payday
who will help me drink beer with my paycheck?
and i wind up buying for the bar
not this time
the little red hen is taking notes
the little red hen drinks alone
the little red hen has issues
leave the little red hen alone today unless you want to feel the wrath of pecker
little red hen II the wrath of the peckernator
little red hen III alien vs peckernator
LRH IV peckernator VS ROCKY
LRH V still pecking