26 degrees out as i peddle to work to save five dollars and twenty cents on bus fare
its like that
tears stream down my face as my eyes protest the biting winds
its only fifteen minutes but gloves would be a great addition to my getup
reminds me of the time i waited for my ex after work
we were "taking a break"
after a year of cohabitation, she made a power move
and there i was
roamntically waiting for her to get off work in the dead of winter
a little soused to soothe my lonliness
she comes out of work and gets into the truck with the barback
much cuter five years younger
because the roads are icy i follow them to her apartment
to make sure they get there ok
theres a parking spot, i pull in and wave as i get out of my little toyota
they jump in the truck and head off
i try to follow
and realize the spot is mostly ice and i am on a slight hill and i am stuck
five miles from home
a foot of snow
a winter wonderland at three thirty in the morning
as i am cutting thru the apartment complex i see a snow covered bike in someones back yard
fortuitously theyve neglected to secure it this winter and soon i am pedaling in the dead of night
buzz wearing off quickly as warm tears stream down my face
my hands are pins and needles halfway down a big hill
black patches of ice make steering a mistake
you slide on thru and hope for the best
death was not on the agenda that night
and the freezer held a half bottle of jaegermeister so i could be pins and needles on the inside too
ah, young love
it seemed to mean so much
words spilled from my pen in drunken squalls of scrawls
stormy, mean spirited prose of loss and pain
the only way to respond to the pain the world gives you
is to give some back
karmic pain equations
ruining some other innocent's love life
as you rebound thru them
the pain is transferred
shes a redhead
tries to jump from your moving car as you drive her home after the breakup conversation
the only reason you messed with her at all is she came into the bar you and your ex still work at together
with the lovestruck barback
oh the fun we would have
oh the emotional carnage
she came into the bar and flirted and i almost had to follow thru
then shes a victim
a lovely victim
a few weeks go by
and you have her by the belt
saving her life
as she tries to exit your speeding vehicle and you begin to question the strategy of doing acid and driving
the christmas lights were ever so twinkly
but the kissing was bizarre
and the breakup was poorly recieved
and she tried to jump out of the car and i didnt even give her any acid
i was keeping that for myself
and what is this some conspiracy to kill my buzz lately?
first on the bike
now in my little car
and for the second time in two months i dont die doing something incredibly stupid
because god is not ready for me yet
i have more work to do
down here
spreading the word
great works still to come
destinies to shape
people to mold and form into a new way to live in the post apolcalyptic hellstorm that is coming
with the global warming and the bird flu and oh yeah
the scary terrorists
i cant sleep some nights worrying if south philly is their next target
the mummers are such examples of american excess
men in feathers
and rhinestones
playing stringed instuments in the cold
the infidels
they must be stopped
they are an abomination to the eyes of the most holiest of holies
the bearded guy referenced them in his latest communication
in code of course
yup i live a life of danger
here at mummer central
the new ground zero
there is nothing that infuriates a radical muslim more that men in feathers
drunkenly dancing the mummer's strut
no instruments more foul to true believers than the accordions, xylophones and banjos that the mummers play as they walk the twelve mile route thru the city each new years day
but i love danger
i love living in the exact center of a jihadian bulls eye
im harry danger
my name is my life is my business
you got a problem with that?

fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
in the long laundry list of incredibly shitty jobs i think im going for the creme de le resistance when i go to get my self a bike messenger job tommorrow in the dead of winter
if they'll have me
should be a healthy job
get in shape
freeze my ass off
think about what i have done
im giving myself a time out from reality with an unreal job
a ridiculous job
the folks from the coffee shop were good enough to call and blow me off
"hello william this is passeros coffee kiosk"
(i write william on job applications)
"just calling to let you know that we've decided to go another way"
this job would have paid more than the one i had in the summer
moving 12 foot tall two hundred pound plus limestone slabs around and onto the cutting table
nostrils clogging from the dust
cancer causing dust
some from the leaded shit they add to the block windows we make with lime, also bad
going home covered in bad dust
the limestone dust is particularly nasty
the long term employee has no sensation in his nose and is permanently clogged
but he has two kids to feed
i called him the rock troll
had the exact beard the dwarf had in the lord of the rings
squared off, a foot down
my job seeking process is a series of tradeoffs in dignity, cash and hustle
i busted my ass schlepping the rock slabs but people left me alone
i tore up my hands but it was a good workout
for slightly more money i was willing to smile at people and serve them coffee
pretending to like them for cash
your service is my business
jobs have a worse affect on my life than drugs
when ima teacher i have to put on the tie
be polite
care about someones unwanted love mistakes
kids are funny and all, but how do you explain reality to them
"um, yeah son, yer daddy and mommy were part of an incredibly shortsighted and selfish race who burned dinosaurs in their internal combustion engines and destoyed the air and climate. We also filled the air with mercury tainted coal smoke because we loved out big screen tv's and computers and hoped the scientists could save our asses with some sort of miracle discovery at the last minute. We were slaves to technology and thats why there are no animals anymore. now eat your protein pill and dont forget to check your personal air filter if youre going outside"
so i cant really teach school and remain honest
kids need to be lied to
to be told everything is gonna work out
that a college degree is the answer
that they should follow the rules
that cops are your friends
taht santa and the easter bunny are working with the tooth fairy to garuntee that their parents life style will be their own some day
that the future has promise and unlimited potential
that priests and scout masters really like kids and not in the nasty way
that the boogie man is made up and not real
the bird flu will be fun
im looking forward to that lovely mutation
bwe alot less assholes atound when the flu kills them all off with their weakened mindsets and false belief systems

I used to find myself madly scribbling, cackling “hee-hee” and generally just cracking myself up with the illusion/delusion that someday, somehow, I would transcribe said scribble into a tome of dazzling brilliance. One recurring subplot was that I would find a chick to play the role of editor, confidante, muse and the music would swell and my life would become like so many others that I’d paid up to 9.50 to see on screen.
She would see my phenomenal potential and convince me that I WAS worthy. That even though I was caught at the bottom of a deep trough of self abuse and despair the world had beauty in it and she would serve as my beacon. More importantly her love would be so pure that somehow I would overlook the fact that she was going gaga over a loser. My esteem issues would not force me to dump her for having such low expectations in a man. In her eyes my staggering potential was such a turn on for her that she could overlook all 270 sloppy manbreasted pounds, the alcoholism and gambling addiction. The trifecta of my life would appear in her compassionate view as injuries my soul has sufffered in its battle against an insensitve, uncaring world. That, in fact, I was only guilty of caring too much, that it was only natural to become extremely self-destructive when faced with the evidence that all the angels have been slaughtered by the forces of darkness, the only real beauty is in pain, and that I was the most beautiful person on the planet.
Such is the nature of this fantasy that I can brood and stew and emote and get spectacularly drunk and rail at the cruelty of the universe and she will find me. I will be stunned that someone as lovely as her is speaking to a toad like me and then she kisses me. I will thank her by transforming into a prince and now all the fairy tales make sense. We carefully craft idiotic nicknames for each other that make us smile to ourselves when we are away from each other and look forward to being in each others arms again and damn soon too. Oh yeah, her precious love will rescue me and now the radio is spewing love messages directly at me, and as i sing along at the top of my lungs i realize that this is how you go insane.
Insanity starts once you notice that all these messages stand in stark opposition to your own experiences. It starts when the programmers want you all to be happy and content and fucking and making accidental babies, which are great for the economy. See, parents have to make grown up decisions. They have to be responsible. They have to think of the future, they are manageable and less likely to revolt this way. Another Neanderthal bites the dust, forehead shortening into more Cro-Magnonesque proportions, evolving, and the programmers are happy.
If you are the type of woman who truly appreciates old fashioned, toothy, dorkish appreciation of your femininity, then have I got a treat for you! I am genuinely happy when a young woman I know casually ratchets up the level a bit to kiss me on the cheek when she sees me. That works for me. I am very self-aware of my dorkiness. Its just the way I do business and business is bad. Tho not morally bankrupt, I know where to find pron. It seems a tragic waste of beauty. And it is poor solace to the lonliness I feel as I view so many blank faced beautiful women with so many interesting things inserted in them.
It’s my own fault ,really. Not the Tee vees. Tee vee is your friend. My mistake was in embracing solitude for years after the latest tragic breakup instead of jumping right back in the saddle. Hiding under the porch, licking my wounds, healing and growling at anyone with the termity to walk upon the steps and porch directly above me. After a while I became used to solitude and then had less and less use for people. Life is people is what I am slowly figureing out. So I guess I was sort of committing a pussy suicide. Pussy suicide is logically followed by the real kind as men only are put on earth to fuck. That’s pure evolutions talking, brains are just like your appendix, a vestigial organism to propel the orgasm machine that is man. Quadrillions of dead sperm in my apartment tell you that I have found a loophole to the womans role in sex. As it dries it turns into a fine white dust. Dust is 97 percent human skin, but in my apartment its closer to 50, what with all the dessicated little zygotes spackled upon every surface.
But enough of levity, the truth is that I am ill-equipped to survive in a world that places such incredible value on a manufactured system of artificial value. Pavlov’s fucking dogs were hip enough not to salivate when their doggy brains told them they were being had. Dogs possess the mental ability to see through the utter shit that is pop-culture, university education, unions and money. It’s all a stupid fucking game, played by assholes who want to measure their dicks against each other with money functioning as their pseudo penis and everyone kissing their asses and cooing about how competitive they are and what big teeth they have and isn’t it so cool to be the alpha male?
Alpha male bullshit, genetic imperative, the family line must not dead-end with me. Well why the fuck not? I’ m just saving the next poor bastard descendent from the hell that is puberty, the arbitrariness of celebrity, money and fame and the bullshit pursuit of power that warps too many fuckers who share your oxygen. Just grant me immunity from prosecution and keep feeding me the bullets. I could do so much good for this world by becoming an asshole removal specialist. But they would label me a terrorist instead of a visionary.
Buddha had it right when he just walked into the woods in his saffron robe. But there’s more to that story. He had a wife and kids. Well, he called it enlightenment, I call it making a power move, improving your circumstances, leaving the shrew of a wife and getting the fuck out of his daily nightmare. I mean the guy was rich, and he had to take shit form his wife and snotty kids? Nope. He said I’m gonna start me a religion and there it was. He’s a friggin role model because he had the balls to leave his wife when that simply wasn’t done…... until….... oh yeah im enlighteneed.
The material world is not the plane an enlightened one such as myself was meant to walk, I am on a higher level. I mastered your petty level, life as a video game, buddha, buddhism the video game, find a way to lie to your wife about your holiness, to get to the next level where you are basically a rockstar of god, a religious icon, you gotta act the role for a few years, the game describes domestic situations such as your wife serves horrible nasty tasting Swedish meatballs, shes the one with the money in the relationship, you’ve been lying to her for years about it thru the courtship, "oh Sahngee baybee, mmmm my fave…"
You got the job done when ya had to, you got the rich girl and suddenly the deal doesn'tt look to tasty anymore…WHAT DO YOU DO? cant start a fight, there would be consequen$e$ and reprecu$$ions, so he almost HAD TO invent a religion to cover the fact that his wife was a terrible cook. then what? she was a bad lay so he had to transcend the physical plane…. her dad was a general in the army so he had to make it all about peace, the real facts behind buddha is that he had woman management skills down….
Bitch Management 101. an introductory course to remaining single even though you are the man, have the complete package, including a remarkably fat and accomplished weiner….how do you stay single? how do you keep it going on? follow these simple steps and you can live in onanistic freeedom forever…
what is absolute freedom? completely free of ties, relationships, etc. its hard to maintain the artistic difference from these humans, the distance that I need to complete this report and get my ass off this rock…deep deep cover. as it finally dawns on me that I am a completely twisted freak then the only possibilities are that i am the next step in evolution, which sees the folly and stops repeating the mistakes. those that are not learning from histories mistakes are doomed to repeat the mistakes of their ancestors. there are enough friggin people in the world already
am i so conceited that i need to make more little mes to run around and be confused and angry and what if im a crappy father and i raise a capitalist? the answer is no...six billion plus in the world and thats far too many....

so either im the next step in evolution or I am a deep cover alien who needs only to file this final report on the state of humanity and then im outta here
outta here one way or another....

Hairless apes run amok on this cleverly named “Planet Earth.” The conceit of this race and their selfishness is evident in the capitalization and by their omission of water in the name which covers a far greater portion of the rock they live on. They operate on a concrete level of conciousness. they need to see it to believe it, this is due to their incredible ability to decieve one another. Deceit is the coin of their realm. Note, a coin is a token of value that these apes have invented in order to compete with one another for mates, the cleaner environments and the easier ways of living. Upon these "coins" are images of great coinholders of the past. Once a number of these ”coins” are accumulated they can be redistributed in amounts which make the other apes willing to give their freedom up to the coin holders, spending much of their waking hours in labor to enrich their coin rich benefactor in aquistion of more coins from different ape clans. ape clans are how individual apes gain power by affiliation. As a group they are more powerful than solitray apes and thus submit to all manner of humilation, or “bitching” in which the dominant apes either physically or metaphorically sodomiize or castrate the new apes until this ape initiate into the coinholder power structure has proven himself worthy of the clan. The apes call this "paying your dues" and it is an efficient way to weed out divergent thinkers and condition the initiate apes into their sick little system.
The coin rich ape collectives are thus able to live forever due to the fact that they buy the purest food, get the best medical attention and breathe the cleanest air that is only purchasable with these coins.
Through a prolonged period of light deprivation during one of the climactic shifts in the history of this world, some of the apes lived underground for awhile and lost all pigment. These caves were then replaced by petri dishes called villages where these apes lived amid their own foul wastes which gave them biological superiority over ape clans that lived in healthier conditions. To talk to these disease-ridden foul creatures was to take ones life in ones own hands. These albino apes have become the dominant ape clan through their love of killing , aided by technologies of other cultures made even deadlier in their hands. The albino apes had so much competiton for cave space that they became quite adept at killing those perceived different from themselves. There weren't enough caves to go around, so only the most vicious and savage could survive those teriible winters thousands of years long. Note. a year is what they use to measure time, equivalent to one reolution aroung their single central star.
These apemen were biologiclally designed to live to 30 or so years before their bodies wore down. They have surpassed those biological limits with the inventions of these coins which made lives of little need available to the most ruthless and cunning and as their lives lengthened their treachries became more developed, and they truly most horrible were able to evolve into hideous perversions of nature and pass that knowledge on to their clans thus keeping their bloodlines at the top of their foodchain.
Pockets of beauty and goodness exist, even amid these foul conditions, but they are the exception rather than the rule. As soon as one of these apes starts thinking or speaking the truth the coinholders feel threatened and find a way to stifle that apes message. Sometimes it is by showering this divergent ape with coins and polluting their message. Oftentimes it is by causing the divergent apes violent demise.
In conclusion, this planet is an interesting exercise in perversion of the higher truths that all evolved beings recognise. Perverted in that when the higher truths are strived for the apes savagely end the pursuit of same. this observer is glad to have witnessed the atrocity called humanity and humbly submits that the foul lessons have been learned in my time among these creatures and I am ready to be beamed aboard for my next assignment. This foul experiment is best viewed from a distance, as the details of existence in this manufactured reality can test the truest and purest soul.
End of Report. Volume I.

rock bottom, or the skies the limit?
my life filled with potential, some would say, as i am not tied down to anything or anyone and am ready to get started again on SOMETHING
whatever this new and exciting chapter of my life should be
with this in mind i sent an application to the korean teaching oranization
i have a phone interview as soon as i call them
i wonder how i will blow this one
my cool little schhol job has evaporated
the principal, who is indecisive and old
has hired one of her friends to take the job she promised me
replacing the pregnant lady
this lady is under fire for poor personel decisions
the parents are after her
she wants to be sure
and i guess my wearing a tie and being positive and available didnt do it for her
in the back of my mind i have a feeling i got sideswiped
low bridged
i sense in my interactions with some teachers there a change
a subtle thing
the look you get when you say hello
the smiles returned with visible effort at politeness
i can tell what happened
one of the ladies "super teachers" was out for three days
i spent that time with her kids
she left them busy work
kids were in and out of the room for vocal rehersals and other holiday pagent things
i said what ususally happens when this goes on?
the kids answered we chill
i said what?
they said we chill out, she says she doesnt want to teach the same lesson twice
i may have commented that that was a waste of time
that word may have gotten back to the teacher
who then would sabotage me
it makes sense to me
knowing how eighth graders love to run back and forth with stories
and lets be real
how long would i be expected to survive in an environment where little kids listen to EVERY word i say?
i have a litle diahrrea of the mouth
i spout notions
some of these notions may ride the edges
and my NEED to joke with kids
my innate ability to get them all fired up
its what i do
i cant help messing with kids brains
it just happens
jokes get misinterpreted
and sound less funny in the principals office
"mr baker, jorie here says that you said....."
then you must contextualize the whole day
living under a microscope is not the way i want to live
besides, my massive talents are wasted if my audience is merely one class
one school
my audience must be vast if i am to spread my message of love and hijinx most thouroughly
so im going to start writing kids books

The snow was falling quickly. Thick, clumpy, school cancelling flake collectives. Hissing slightly as they fell and quickly piling up, the only sound penetrating the flakes is the crunching of my shoes. The streetlights pop on even though it is only afternoon and the visibility is getting worse when I smelled it. Bacon. Ham and burning plastic? Thick black smoke pours out of an alley and mars the beautiful winter scene and I know I have arrived in the right place.
I turn into the alley and see orange flames licking a pile of rubbish. As I approach I see the telltale huge red shoes sticking out of the flames and know that the mysterious caller that sent me here was not a fake. It was the fourth burning bozo this week. I'm Frank Savege, clownicide. A special division investigating the early termination of careers in clowning. This was the fourth one this year. All preceded by an eerie phonecall, taunting me. "Get here, quick," the voice says< " im pouring lighter fluid on Mr. Giggles right now..."
Mr. Giggles didn't make it. Nor did Clowny, Bubbles or Frankie Knuckles the cosa nostra clown, who specialized in baloons shaped as guns, fedoras, cement shoes and other mafia themed epherma......

went to a packed mall on xmas eve to pick up pop
the bar in the mall was not open
they missed an opportunity there because as soon as they opened they filled up
we had a few coctails and as we left the jammed parking lot i saw it
my white whale
a hummer
fresh from the car wash
i have a skill
i can make myself puke on comand
this was a perfect time to practice
blaaach, on the rear window
blaach on the door handle and drivers side windo
the milkshake gave my vomit a nice base
a smoothness as it came up
its fun to puke when it has a nice non acidic taste to it
and decorating the hummer with puke was the nicest thing i could have done to that foul vehicle
8 miles agallon mutha fucka
lucky i didnt have lighter fluid in a water pistol with matches and make myself a humvee barbeque
humvee owners are the prime example of ignorant destuctive american aholes
and it felt good
even tho he went right to the car wash

im applying to be a cop for septa
that might be fun
i am a big advocate of public transportation
guarding that would be a karma rich experience
get myself a gun
25 years to a pension
and you meet the nicest most fascinating people on the bus
like the bum who pisses himself on a full bus
new urine hitting the old, dried urine and filling the bus with perfume
yeah that would be heaven
meeting all the homeless
being allowed behind the yellow tape after someone jumps in front of the subway
heres an arm
what do we still need

so i still havent bought alcohol in the new year
which isnt hard when you are flat broke
AND, more importantly i think i found THE LOOPHOLE
in my rezzie
i wont buy alcohol....
but i can buy cider
and let it ferment
i figure prisoners ferment alcohol all the time
im an economic prisoner
so i gotta do what i gotta do
stick it to the man

this whole zen approach of mine confuses the women folk
i am expected to want steady work, with benefits
to pursue closeness with womenfolk by calling them and doing things
but women and jobs are like anchors
maybe thats what this drifting ship needs
an anchor in reality
this would qualify as outside forces controlling my life tho
my valuable free time would be appropriated for others gain
a boss who wants me to make him rich
a woman who wants me to make her happy
what do i want?
easy
to be left alone
ill call you
if i like your little job ill make a shiny pretty resume and prostrate myself before your working world altar
ill answer the interview questions expertly, exude energy and confidence
flash my baby-blues and warm smile
ill do the same for you chicks
i meet the right girl every now and then
i have been less than aggressive
trusting in fate to bring us together again
a nonpursuit
i can pursue
ive done it
but where does it get you?
broken souled and battered by the world
id rather just hang out for awhile
be a non factor
observe
plan
im a dangerous man when i have a plan
in my late twenties i had a goal
graduate college by thirty
i worked full time at the bar and played some fierce rugby
rugby is a full time job
practices twice a week filled with grunting and exertion and physical dominanace of your fellow man
then all day saturday with the game and the party
full time school filled my days and any leftover time was earning money
i slept about 4 hours a night
the bar shifts usually ended around three am
and sleep would not find me until 4 or later as you need time to relax your body and mind
and i managed to squeeze a few women in here and there
and it was perfect
no time for anything deep or heavy
just two ships that fucked in the night
but now planless
i have a notion or two
but notions do not demand your attention
notions do not get you out of bed after four hours of sleep
jam caffiene in your hand
and propel you out into the world again to do battle with the obstacles to your mission
yeah a mission
thats what i need
ill google mission on the internet
and see what i get
the google harry's mission
then maybe ill be done taking the first step into the glorious future
writing two hours a day seems like a good idea
ill start that today
see how long i can keep up the regimen
and maybe do a pushup or two for my body
so i guess the first writing exercise will be to define my mission statement
ill get to work on that
seems taht when i am not working for the man i should be working for me
that i need to define the mission of harryco
that to succeed my mind and body need to be on this level
that i pay myself with every pushup and syllable
hmmm
brainwashing,
programmed by me instead of some faceless corporation or government
initiate cranial sudsing
the detergent is time and reflection
and im just about into the rinse cycle
to get rid of the last few ideas that were inserted into my brain from the tv barrage of the last 40 years

inhuman, reptilian patience
that is what is required to do well in poker
wait for the mammals to make a mistake
and then strike
in a lightning quick, lethal stroke
i played like a mammal last night
and another reptile has a fat lump in his belly
and wont have to eat again for weeks

is it shit or is it fertilizer?
that is the question
when the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
bring fecal hurricanes your way
do you harvest the nutrients
or bemoan your sudden smelly state?
i'd like to thank fate for shittying me in 2005
it woke me up from a nightmare of an impossible job
and it sucked, sometimes for weeks one end
but it had an end
nothing is permanent
i rode out
i found alot of support from my family and friends
and even tho i am still, by many definitions of the term, a loser
i feel like it is by choice
i am a result of my decisons and choices
and i learned from them all
and i did not succumb to the darkness that was actively searching me out
sure, darkness won a few rounds here and there
i have a brain
i see things
i know how to twist the worst possible case scenario out of things
i fretted a bit too much
but fretting is for weak minded people
strong minded people find a way out
strong minded people endure
endurance is alot better than insanity
and putting words down helped me immensely
naming the demons gives them less power
lets you frame you struggle
and surely my booze battle will last a lifetime
but im sober more than half the time when i hit the sheets
and thats a 50 percent improvement from last year
when i told myself i "needed booze to sleep"
and believed
it
you create your own demons by the words you use to think about yourself
my demons are going to be beautiful women this year
ill let them torment me instead of alcoholism
i thing that kind of drama is more fun anyway
and isnt that where the boozing started?
to salve my poor lil broke up aorta?

chapter one

"OW , my Aorta" he screamed as the she-demon ripped the hard-working valve from between the newly broken ribs in his chest. Man, she has got great cans he thought, as his brain started reacting negatively to the lack of blood flow. Dimness ensued.
Later, at the soul reassignment center...

I did the hard part, is srtrted the novel, now you, the blod reader can be on your way to becoming a best selling author
this thing practically writes itself
go for it
and enjoy those royalty checks!

last report from the tv wasteland before i go "off cable" for awhile
what a melange' of viewing options have i experienced in the last ten days
i saw enough of "supersize me" to get that it is the right message with the wrong dorky messenger
whiners do not keep my attention long
but his message was important
that a kid watching tv gets 10,000 exposures to junkfood advertising a year and only hears mommy say that brussel sprouts are good once a month, that carrots are yummy maybe a hundred times a year, et.
im not saying get your kids those bible veggies
no siree
thats a different brainwashing tool
and quite effective
those young christians will be alot healthier than their satanic mcdonalds fueled
counterparts when armaggeddon arrives in late july 2007
another warning to parents of youngsters
keep them away from music videos
after thouroughly researching them these last ten days it seems obvious what is going on
lotsa rhytmic dancing and beats which start to build a faster and faster tempo
writhing bodies of cuties
seems to me that a hormonal red blooded teenager could be drawn into these little vignettes of sensuality quite easily
so hes alone, our young friend and a particulary fetching wench catches his eye
this comely vixen is wiggling and writhing and shaking and our young hero cant take it anymore
he seeks release from pent up genetic energies
so he catches up with the alluring tempo and seductive beats
and just as he is reaching his goal
a dude pops on screen
maybe its the fat guy from the will smith dating movie, where hes dancing like a retarded white dude
with will smith
and i know it promotes the movie linked to the video quite well but
at what cost?
what about the children
what if the kid really, really, i mean really,
likes the dancing girl at the moment just before the will smith teaches the fat white guy to dance
maybe this comes at exactly the wrong time in our young american hero's "exercise" routine
hes at the point of no return
the inevitable is nigh
the dna is released
and our teen now wonders
does this make him gay?
the poor troubled kid
who does he turn to now?
and this is far from the only example
watch closely america
why is that rapper without a shirt editted right into the hottie's in the shower montage'?
why is your kid watching some overmuscled rappers back in the middle of a booty boquet?
ill tell you why
its the latest plot to destroy america
a plot hatched by the "art school mafia?"
a degenerate band of out of the closet video directors who are out to change america back to the golden age of greece
where poets like Catullus wrote of impaling young lads and ladies alike
where it was all freer
resist the insidious ASM
the art school mafia
theyre everywhere
block mtv and vh1 soul and mtv jams and mtv 2 and bet and mtv spanish before your son asks you embarrassing questions about anal lube...

i was listening to the radio while driving my drunk brother around berks county
his eyesight is going and he gets sleepy
he buys the booze i make sure no one dies
its a thing i plan to do less often this year
hey theres a PERFECT new years resolution
i resolve not to BUY any alcohol this year
hehehehehe
i know i can swing that one
i may have to add corrolaries, like the robot laws that asimov wrote
1. i will not purchase alcohol in 2006
2. i will not knowingly barter for alcohol to be slick
3. i will not offer to buy the drugs if they buy the beers
so on the radio the announcer is reading his little radio script
probably doing a few runs thru it to give the client a few different sounds
and the script he is reading says "...but i digress"
he is not digressing, hes reading
to digress means to move away from
he wasn't improving
he wasn't all stream of conciousness there
so hes a filthy liar poopy face
so know i cant believe everything i hear on the radio, fcc or not
where is the fcc when advertisers are allowed to clog up the airways with lies and distortions like these?
and this ad was on KYW
the news station
where you go for the truth
and school closings
and traffic on the 2'si will also resolve to hit this thing once a day, or make it up when i get back from wherever i was that didnt have a computer
more syllables in 2006
even if they suck
hippy gnu yarn!
the softest yarn available
raised by gentle hippy folk this yarn is truly cruelty free
these gnus are all oranically fed and the hair used in the yarn is only what falls off of the gnu when it is being gently stroked by a hippy
and warm!
ooh baybee its positively transcendant